Love vs Over-Protectiveness
Hmm.. I kinda knew that my parents would not agree with me when I bring up issues like that. It's for my own safety. I agree but I'm only young once and I probably won't go for it when I ord.
The Origin. 11/30/2005 07:31:00 pm
With regards to the last entry, thank you for all your concerns and all. It was nice to hear some reassurance here n there. Thank you. I'm still looking for an answer though.
Hmm.. Finally got a load off my chest today. It has been bothering me for a while and a bit. Nice. Onto some other issues that has to be looked into.
Anyway, about the recent saga of vienamese marriage agencies (actually, it's agencies which deal with marriage of vietnamese women), I think the agencies sounded like they were selling some pigs or poutry products and not human being. There isn't even a policy to protect the women against perverts!
The Origin. 11/29/2005 06:32:00 pm
Watz the pt of a blog if you do not dare to be truthful in it? Everything will be in face-value.
Had a long conversation with Sharon & Jun Hong last night. Well.. Somehow the atmosphere & the timing was suitable, we spoke about our problems from the heart. Something that we don't usually do. The superficiality of our friendship. Shall talk about my problem and not the others'. The only reason why I do not talk abt it is that I'm afraid tt it'll affect the attitude of the ppl who bother to listen. However, I'm not being truthful to myself if I don't.
When I die, how many of my friends will turn up for my funeral? When I die, how many of those who turn up will truly shed a tear or feel sadness for me? Will people even notice that i am gone?
What have I done wrong? Or is there something wrong with me? I feel that I'm usually (but not always) the one who initiates. I would ask others out for activities but when they want to do the same activity, why am I not the one they look for? Is meeting up a few times a year for birthdays/festive seasons enough? I have friends who bother to read this blog of mine and check on me when I have written about a problem. I am thankful for it, truly. However, why is it just at that level? Why is it that when I am extremely happy or sad, I do not have someone whom I would like to call just to share, not worrying that he/she is busy or that he/she is not interested? Why is it that when they do experience such emotions, my friends don't call me or even sms me? Am I too old-fashioned? People just live the life of modern technology now and calls are the things of the old? Or is it just me?
Have I not bothered to take tt 1st step? I think I have. Have I gone the extra mile to get to know them better? I think I have tried. Am I always talking about myself and not listen to them? I think I try to talk less and listen and understand, maybe I don't at times. Is there a lack of common interest tt we need to bind us together? I thought this is the answer but common interests like basketball, dragon boat etc. have not served as the bindding element for some of my other friends. The friendship is somewhat gone when the interest in the "common interest" is gone.
After the conversation yesterday, these are the only possible answers I have/had:
- Common interest (which I was shown that it didn't last)
- I just haven't found my kind of friend (which i do not believe as I have lived for 20 yrs, 1/3 of my life, I have met 1/3 of the ppl in my life and I still can't find even 1???)
- I need a gal-friend. I have no doubt that when I have a galfriend, I will love her more than anything else, I seriously will if I feel that she's the one. But it is unhealthy to concentrate a life around someone, even if he/she is the one person you love dearly.
- I lost the real me because I'm too afraid of being judged. I am but a guy with low self-esteem. Over the yrs, I have attained some of the values & qualities I learnt and want to have. However, the real me consists of more that these values/qualities. I'm just too afraid to show them as I hate to be judged by people. To some extent, after so long, I have lost some part of the real me. I feel.
- People think that I'm a little on the "perfect-kinda-life" side. Why? Because I don't usually talk about my problems, like now? Well.. I can't just toss my imperfections and problems at everyone I meet. I have family issues, identity issues, money issues etc. Why bother?
So is everything about me at face-value? I'm lost.
Regret
What would you do if one of your closer friend's family member just passed away? Would you just say, "Hey, i heard that your XXX is dead. Are you ok?" or would you leave things to be because you don't want to remind him/her of the pain? Well.. We did what we thought was the best for our friend but we were young and looking back at things, we chose the wrong option. Can we remedy the situation?
Too High A Standard?
I have been told by not just 1 but at least 4 people that my expectations of a girlfriend is too high and that I should lower my expectations. I do admit to that but as for lowering expectations. We'll see about it. I do admit that given a second chance, I would definitely go for that girl again, if I'm still single. Even when I know I'm not exactly the kind of guy, her kind of girl would fall for.
Fountain of Wealth
We took a merc cab back from Orchard after midnight. As I was sitting in front, I didn't want to turn around to talk to the 2 of them as I'll get motion sickness that way. The cab uncle was quite friendly and he was telling us that if you happen to be in cab travelling around the Fountain of Wealth and the water shoots up, ask the uncle to drive 4 rounds around the fountain. Then make a small wish (cannot be to much), and it'll be fulfilled. You don't get to hear this kind of things everyday, do you?
Anyway, I was listening to the uncle crap a bit about religion and belief for the whole journey back. I didn't know why I bothered to listen or for the matter, in any way, encouraged him to talk. I did and I only absorb maybe 40% of what he said, of which, I have forgetten 70%. The thing I remember is his goodbye quote, "Nothing is impossible. You only need a ball of string to reach the moon." hmm..
The Origin. 11/27/2005 08:45:00 am
I am a little bit pissed.
I am a little bit sick of trying to understand other people's predicaments but not being understood.
I am a little put off by other people's lack of interest.
I am tired of people who want things but hope that you do something about it.
I am pissed that people are not showing interest.
I am extrememly disappointed with myself for being pissed and sick about all these things for so long.
I am extremely sad that I don't know where some of the faults lie, in the self or with others?
I'll get over it....
At this point, I would like to thank the few of you all who tune into my blog to read about my happenings. I do read ur blogs too, if you give me your addresses!
But I wonder.. is this enough?
The Origin. 11/25/2005 09:31:00 pm
I'm taking a break from minute writing now. Why am I so busy when it is supposed to be slack!?!?!?!
My boss threw a spanner at me and asked me the a/m question today. I suppose the most important thing I get from being there is the values I got. What a team means, to be patient blah blah blah.. i think i better prepare a ord report before he throws another spanner at me later....
the conversation eventually went into some other areas like "you are more patient but you have not learnt to anticipate", "you need to be pushed a little" and "being quick to criticise but not praise". some of which, we touched sensitive areas, at least to me... i'm still pondering over them..
come to think about it, one "everyday" action i got influnced to do is to tidy my table whenever I leave my house. it became a habit cuz when i leave my workplace, i usually tidy up my table. At home, i will tidy my table if I have the time to loither before I go.
I am quite particular abt ppl saying tt i'm patient or in this case, more patient. Cuz half the time, I felt like cursing and swearing at the ppl who stepped on my nerves. I only controlled myself. It is not my nature to be patient.
anyway, send an email & recieved a reply.
ok.. back to work.
The Origin. 11/24/2005 11:25:00 pm
Hmm.. In view of the recent saga of Dawn Yeo & Katie Leung, i must say tt the public can be very ugly at times. So wat if tt gal is named the most beautiful blogger? So wat if tt gal is acting in Harry potter's new instalment? Ppl just get jealous and hurl criticism. Disgusted.
The Origin. 11/22/2005 09:08:00 pm
Well.. It has always been a dream of mine to spend a white Christmas but that is not possible in the short run.
Then I suppose it isn't exactly the what/how/where that really matters. It is eventually the who that matters at the end of the day, for me. Sadly, the "who" is still not filled up. Sigh.. Another lonely Christmas... It's this time of the yr again, i think... Stupid holiday seasons.... And it doesn't help to have ppl ard you showing concern abt your status.....
The Origin. 11/21/2005 07:36:00 pm
haha.. wanted to blog about this but forgot to do so until today when I had another one.
1. on Friday, With Joel-
Me: "Hmm.. have you been to the Balcony yet? What music do they play there?"
Joel: "No. I think they play some old canto songs." -Then goes on to sing some canto "da xi" songs- -_-"
2. Today, With my Family-
My sis: "Do you think we should give our new car a name? My fren gave her car a name"
My dad: "Let's call it 'mi mi'. "
My sis: "OMG! like some prostitute name!!"
My mom: "Let's call it 'fa fa'."
Oh man.. how chee-na can things get?
The Origin. 11/20/2005 07:04:00 pm
Hmm.. I think the holiday seasons mood is getting to me again.. Kinda sucky...
Anyway, been around orchard ytd and decided that my choices for watch is now ripcurl's 24 Seven (Got 10% discount...) and a dkny watch which i dunno the name (got 20% discount). I'm still debating between the 2.
Also met my aunt (yes, tt auntie jo), this time, I volunteered to help her carry her 2 big shopping bags. However, I got a reply - "i'm not going to be your gf, you know?", sth along tt line, and "I am my son's gf"...........................................................................
On the way back, I found a 11-B on the bus seat. Being in a little bit of a kay poh mood, I dropped by at bangkit and brought it to the person's hse. Yes, he stays in bang kit, or i probably wldn't care. It was an irony, in a way... I feel...
Met up with Woon Seng tt evening for bowling. OMG! He has an average score of 150!! I'm only struggling at 100. I got home at 2150 after a whole day of walk. I think I lost my legs for a brief moment be4 I slept.... lol..
Shit. The holiday seasons is really getting to me....
The Origin. 11/20/2005 11:15:00 am
1. I'm a bit bo liao now so..
1 more day to the return of Brian!!!! Wish him well when he returns!
Come of think about it.. I think Cedric is also coming back tomorrow.....
2. Read the Newpaper on Sunday (Courtesy of my colleague who brought it to camp). It featured a female primary school teacher who blogged about some sexual stuffs. My thoughts are:
a. I seriously feel tt some ppl are a little bit stupid when it comes this area. Somehow, they just never get it that this is the internet and you can easily be observed by over half a million ppl (a bit of exaggeration here)
b. Is it that professions like teachers or doctors must display a certain degree of maturity etc., even if this is not who they are? In view of this incident, I assume this is true. Then does it mean that there is sth wrong with our education system or selection system, so to speak?
3. Lack of Initiative or Lack of interest?
Do ppl lack initiative or do they lack interest in the relationships/areas? A question I ponder and an answer I'm afraid. In a sense........ Disappointed...
4. I personally find it extremely amazing that some ppl (after being missing in action for long period) can suddenly pop out and ask you for favours or for the matter, ask tt you purchase sth from them. Is this part of marketing?
5. Come to think about my last few pts, they sound a bit crude. Then again, will anyone bother...
*bluestar, thanks for the educational (haha.. i dunno what word to use) ppt. anyway, it cldn't have came at a better time.
The Origin. 11/16/2005 07:35:00 pm
Before I start, I finally bought the pair of dream shoes I was talking about a few months ago. Haha.. yes! Luckily I waited. The price now is $99 instead of the $200+ before. lol.. This was also thanks to Weili's concept of "withstanding the test of time", that I bought it. (A bit tight for this month, u see..) I shall hold back my plans for a watch for a month or so. Talking abt watch, I rather disappointed tt the diesel watch i was eyeing turned out to be an ugly piece. In addition, the fossil watch I liked is $298. second diappointment.
Anyway, this is the meaning for the word "nosferatu" - according to bram Stoker, the old european word for 'vampire' although not found in any european language before 'Dracula'. yes. i have been reading some interpretations of Van Helsing. Thus on vampires.
Hmm.. hope tt this doesn't sound like I'm from a cult but I find it rather attractive to be sired as a vampire. Being able to live for eternity and escape old age. An immortal in a sense. With the amount of time immortality ensures, so many things can be achieved. Of course, the down-side is the need to drink human blood. I suppose pig's blood can be used as a substitute. fantasizing....
The Origin. 11/13/2005 09:45:00 pm
Hmm.. I suppose I was confided in confidence that I would not judge. Much to our disappointment, I judged and so happened that my disagreement came with my judgement. Who is to blame? We are all right in our own ways, our own values, our own beliefs and our actions.
The Origin. 11/13/2005 08:59:00 am
here are some photos (1 or 2 from the bbq):
My I-river H10 (back) with G-mask My i-river H10 (front)
(I nick-named the spider edition)
The families (I was in the showers) My cousin (a bit blur)
Our soon-to-be dead car
The Origin. 11/12/2005 03:57:00 pm
Ha.. Just got back from the chalet. shag.. overall, eveything went on rather fine, except for the stupid rain when we reached the chalet. We ended up having to bbq in the rain for half the night.
To make things worse, aunty jo joined us for the bbq. Oh man.. She is sooooo full of complaints. 1st, we started bbq too early. then the rain (drizzle) is soaking the food. then the chicken wing is not cooked until it becomes almost black. As if tt wasn't enough to tolerate, she said, "your parents are an item, your sis n her bf are also an item, so wat r u here for?" Be Be Ba Be Boo...
Anyway, all was fine after the bbq. I got to watch Lost and we went for a bowling session at midnight. I also read some fortune-telling book that my aunt brought along. haha.. a lot of funny things abt Oxes. The funniest part is that Oxes need to be wary of the opposite sexes for the next yr. Funny. Later when we slept, poor me had to sleep on the cold hard floor ytd.
Shall post some pics later.
The Origin. 11/11/2005 01:42:00 pm
1 sign that shows you that you have been in MINDEF for too long - the uncle who drives the bus not only recognises you but would smile, greet or wave at you.
Well.. Not tt it is bad but it just reminds me of how long I have been in MINDEF and how long more I have to go. In fact, I find it rather pleasant to have someone simply smiling or greeting you early morning before work.
I remember tt I was in a rather good mood for a few weeks in a row back then and in a way, I took the 1st step in this "relationship"by smiling. Slowly, it progressed to greeting.
This brings me to my pt that u can't really expect ppl treat you nicely (I use this word to sum up all those stuffs abt respect, being polite) if you do not take the first step and be nice to them. Of course, you also can't expect ppl to be nice to you even after you took the 1st step. However, at tt pt, I feel tt it would be more justifiable to say tt tt person sux or the service is lousy.
Anyway, I'm on leave for these 2 days.. Family Chalet until tmr afternoon. Hmm.. wonder wat we r gg to do there.. Hopefully, not mahjong again... oh spare me...
The Origin. 11/10/2005 08:12:00 am
After dunno how many hours into the game, I finally completed it.. In retrospect, a bloody waste of my time. But oh well.. I really wanted to see the storyline and I wasn't disappointed by it. The only major disappointment was how lame the last enemy Sephiroth was: Bizzaro Sephiroth, Safer Sephiroth.. I was hoping to fight Sephiroth and not some lame deformed sephiroth.. Took me over an hr just to kill them somemore!!*&*()&*^
Anyway, the storyline is great.. No wonder they made a movie out of it.
The Origin. 11/08/2005 11:18:00 pm
haha.. after so many months of craving for Alice Spring Chicken from Outback, I finally ate it today! OMG! Baked cheese & bacon atop the piece of roast chicken, mixed with their sweet sauce! OMG! Heavenly!!
Anyway, went to watch 40-year-old Virgin with my sis, her bf and her bf's sis. It was for free.. haha.. It is a funny and crude show, which if shown a few years back, you'll probably be hearing the censored sound every other sec during the show.
The Origin. 11/05/2005 11:33:00 pm
1. The action
2. The anger
3. The reaction
Since we probably can't control the first 2, no. 3 is where we have power over. Our decision to react on instinct or to react after some thoughts makes the difference. My opinion.....
The Origin. 11/05/2005 03:07:00 pm