Monday, February 26, 2007
Hmmm.. I'm a small-family-unit kinda person. I never quite support my parents' idea of having their childrens' familes living together under 1 roof. I stand by the view that families may live as neighbours but that's the closest, for any closer will bring in family politics. It is a simple conclusion actually. Imagine getting married to somebody who never really know you until maybe 5 yrs before ur marriage. Imagine bringing him/her to live under the same roof as ur parents. Essentially, the upbringing of your other half is different from what u went thru. What your parents may view as appropriate might not be what your spouse thinks. After some time, friction may arise. Or if u see it from another pt of view, by bringing in another person, there must some sort of accomodation. Accomodation is part of human ability to adapt but ppl dun like to have to adapt in the very first place.
Here's a quote from Unbearable Lightness of Being:
"While people are fairly young and the musical composition of their lives is still in its opening bars, they can go about writing it together and exchange motif, but if they meet when they are older, their musical compositions are more or less complete, and every motif, every object, every word means something different to each of them."
The Origin. 2/26/2007 09:51:00 pm
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Ha.. Current status is busy. I am in the midst of writing on paper 2 for my critical writing module, and the train of thoughts have just stopped over at one of the train stations... haha.. lame.. In short, I am having a slight mental block in writing my essay. I am at the final point of my essay and my brain is not working well to develop the point. Which is why I am here to blog a little.....
By the way, I am writing on a comparative paper between V for Vendetta and The Village. Don't ask why my module is so hip. No, it isn't. These 2 films are not being recommended in the recommended texts and I have emailed the prof for permission to use these two because I have no 'feelings' towards to recommended texts. I just have the weird feeling that I will do better if I do on the two films than if I do on any of the recommended texts. I may be wrong cuz the prof did advise that a paper on films is harder. But what the heck... We need some risk takers here!! (I won't be saying tt if I get low grades for this paper.. haha)
In any case, this is the 3rd or 4th time I have watched V for Vendetta and you won't believe how much details you can miss when you just see things flow through. I paused at quite a few scenes to observe the back drop la. I was fascinated by the amount of attention paid to them. One example is how Gordon said that the curfew might be extended cuz of the bombing of Old Bailey. It turned out that in the next scene where the big screen was shown to display the news, there was a line of LED showing that the curfew was extended: 2200 to 0600, from 2230 to 0530. I can almost rmb most of the quotes from the show alr. It is just crazy to watch a film with all the pauses and studying the details.
The Origin. 2/22/2007 11:04:00 pm
Monday, February 19, 2007
Ha.. I deleted what I wrote the ytd cuz the more I read, the more I felt it to be wrong in some sense. The feeling about wat I wrote just wasn't right somehow. In any case, just take it as everything is fine. ;) I have cleared my thoughts.
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I stepped into Starbucks yesterday. I didn't get my usual - Java Chips Frap. I thought I got sick of Java Chips and I chose Espresso Frap with toffee nut syrup instead. I tasted it and felt it lose its appeal. I walked and sipped more of it along the way, only to realise that what I had actually wanted, what I actually should get was a warm cup of bitter coffee. Have I been looking for the wrong things in life? I pondered returning to get one but I felt the stupidity of spending the money so wastefully. Some times second choices are not available, you can only wait till the next time around to get the choices right.
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I went back to school today cuz I have a book which is to be dued tomorrow and since I was able to get the car this morning, I might as well make the trip down to return it at the book chute. What was confusing were the instructions on the chute... There wasn't any mention of 'normal' loaned books but the was a line that stated, "This is ONLY for RBR book overnight..." I was momentarily confused and called Shi Qi for help.. haha.. Damn ps for distrubing her on a hol morning..
I went for a jog too when I was in school an saw some people training for their sports. I have always been amused about how some people can be committed to so many sports and at the same time, cope with their studies. This has been sth which I have never been able to do or maybe cuz I failed to try be4. Thus the un-sporty me now. A part of me wants to stretch to the limit but another part of me is afraid that I might fail. ha.. I guess you never know when you'll fail until you reach the point of failure. All other senses of failure are just illusions by the mind.
I was took the lift while I was walking over the my car and met a lady who was in the same lift. She asked if I was back for work and I gave my plain reason for being back in school. Out of politeness, I asked her if she was back for work and her answer was that she was back to mark some papers. I can't help but curse at the lies that society has been providing us with. All those talks about how Uni will be a breeze and how things will be better after you start working have all been lies afterall. Lies to make us move forward out of our current situation and progress.
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I managed to catch The Illusionist and I must say that the whole movie revolves around a simple theme: Nothing is what it seems. Even the very protagonist is not our 'hero'. He is a crook but who can fault him for doing the things for love....
The Origin. 2/19/2007 06:49:00 pm
Sunday, February 18, 2007
I was conversing with a friend on the telephone while I was at my uncle's place. I know, my bad for being impolite but there was pretty much nothing to do or say. Especially with relatives leaving even be4 the crowd arrived. In any case, we complained about how NUS is cheating us of our holiday and we later went on to how she got to know some friends from her modules. On this note, I commented on how some people tend to give the general feeling that they are promoting themselves to people. This comment coincides with her observation of the friends she made. I shall not name where these friends of her came from but i'm sure you can guess. However, I will say that only a hand full of us are like that.
In any case, I never quite understand the rationale for people who appear to be so. I say appear cuz they might not actually set out to be so but I am questioning based on how they got so comfortable in the first place to be so. Shit.. I'm confusing myself here. In any case, I feel that in promoting myself, like wat I do, wat I know, wat I am busy with etc. I am only promoting what I am capable of, what I am associated to and stuffs.. But what do all these tell you about me? Nothing. Ultimately, who I am is not defined by what course I take, how many modules I take, how busy I am and stuffs.
On a separate note, I stumbled upon a friend's blog and read an entry about how excited he was to be part of USP. Ha.. Maybe it is me. I belong to the grp of ppl who will never feel much for the organisation I am in. Be in SCSS, AJC, NUS or USP. They are just structures which I feel distant from. It is the people I know at the places that matters.
The Origin. 2/18/2007 11:55:00 pm
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I finished watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' last night. Well.. I thought that it is a fairly nice show but somehow there isn't a strong 'interest' factor involved that hits me. I guess I understand the path down memory lane that Joel took and how people in that phase were just his memory constructs or how memories can be manipulated in a sense or people try to escape from their memories but sometimes it is their emotions/hearts that rule it all. But somehow it just lacks some sort of depth in it and I dun feel much about it.
In any case, I thought that Joel seemed remind me somewhat of myself in a sense. Essentially, I don't bother to explain in words. I don't explain my thoughts and plans to my family in details until I really have to. I don't bother to talk much about serious thoughts in everyday conversation. In fact, I crap more than half the time. And what do I do with some slightly more 'serious' thoughts? I pen them down here. okok I typed but you get the drift. Essentially, I feel that I am not selling myself to anybody and people might not be bothered with my thoughts anyway. So why bother going through the trouble to talking and probably bore everybody else?
This sense of slight nonchalant also spill over into some of my everyday thoughts. For example, I do not think critically about everything around, partly cuz I'm lazy but also because I think I have better things to mind than think critically about everything under the sun. Furthermore, even if I were to think critically about them, it is not going to change a thing about them. So why bother?
I am more concerned with what needs to be done and to do them.
On a separate note, I think maturity of thoughts is essential but more often than not, in my case at least, there seems to be a lack of balance and maturity became boring. Yet, the fun cases lack the sense of maturity. You don't get it? Don't bother about it.. haha.. stupid analogy...
The Origin. 2/17/2007 10:47:00 am
Friday, February 16, 2007
It is very tiring how sometimes, you may learn from experience and decide to take certain measures to avoid certain consequences but your efforts do not pay. My parents were in NUS to fetch me and they went to the usual place to wait for me. However, I was about 10 mins walk from the usual place. Remembering the last time when I asked them to go to another place to pick me up, the male n female factors in them surfaced and it ended up in them quarelling with each other. Thus I decided to just walk over to the usual place. Despite this minor effort, they ended up quarelling nonetheless... Just something that I didn't need after 5 days of school. But oh well.. It is just part of life.
I feel that the worst place to have an argument is the car. There are just so many ways for you guys to just lose control and die. And the quarrel is just so enclosed that it becomes intimidating and unbearable.
Sometimes, you just wish to shut out all the noises and keep the world out. That's y we have mp3 players. But at times, you just can't do so cuz it oppose all tt you stand for. You just have to be in the mist of it all.
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On a separate note, I believe that everything that you desire, everything that you long for are just from your surroundings and experience. If you strip away all these components, you get nothing. You long for nothing and seek nothing.
The Origin. 2/16/2007 09:28:00 pm
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I think there is a side in me who is suffering from 'rebound' (although the word is usually used for ppl who got attached n broke up) but the fact is that I don't feel a thing when I see them. Yet, when I look back at some of the things I did and stuffs,I think I did them cuz I am still feeling sth in a sense. Sux... Particularly disgusted with myself in this sense......
The Origin. 2/13/2007 10:55:00 pm
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Maybe it has got to do with Chemical Engineering or maybe it is that we are in USP.. I have come to this understanding that most Chem. Engineers in USP are:
1) Full of crap
2) Himbos-wanna-be OR already there
3) Can be loud at times
There are a few exceptions of course but yes, I am part of the gang too. I think it has got to do with the stress and stuffs. For me, I am just lazyyyy and don't like to think much out of class. Thus half the time, I am making stupid comments, I think. For example, I got chided by someone for asking the obvious question about why the floor in a room is very cold, when it is actually cause the wind was blown into the room and onto the floor in a circular cycle. U see? There is a part of me who dislikes all these theoretical stuffs.... Sometimes, I'm just plain ignorant.
On a separate note, we were talking about 'discourse' today. Basically, it went something like discourses are communities with certain sets of 'assumptions', 'knowledge', 'rules' etc. Like we are living in a national discourse in Singapore, or maybe Kiasu-ism is an assupmption we already know. In any case, the next sentence that came, went something like academic intellects think critically about things, we are questioning what set the 'knowledge', 'assumptions' and what makes them seem to be an inherent part of us when they actually change over time and are different from before. My first thought was, 'Argh!!! Don't people have anything better to do? It is like trying to remove everything that has been set, and question about them all!' Then I thought if there are so many different discourses (I sense a wrong usage here) then couldn't this idea of thinking critically and questioning everything be part of a larger discourse? Ultimately, we can't escape the cycle. Then we will enter the area of post-modernist, don't we?
It is the multitude of the endless 'linkages' that can be drawn, that is ultimately scary.
The Origin. 2/08/2007 09:30:00 pm
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
I have a classmate in French 1. I never did speak to him, not once. Until we went into the same washroom at the same time after our class. I was growing a wee bit desperate about my inability to complete the tutorials for PC1143, which is my remedial on Satuerdays. Thus during the "introductory" conversation, when he told me that he is a physics major, I immediately asked if he had taken pc1143 be4. It turned out that he did and I naurally flowed into asking if he still has the tutorials. He then said that he;ll bring it for me if he can find it. Well.. I wasn't expecting much but in the end, he really did bring the tutorials during the next lesson. OMG!!! Can there be even kinder people around??? I should really thank him for the tutorials...
Sigh... Since when have I sunk into the hole of BHB-ness? Imagine asking ppl for tutorials during the first meeting.... School is making me worse by the day...
The Origin. 2/07/2007 10:31:00 pm
Monday, February 05, 2007
My day today had been ruined even before it started. I recalled a part of my past and somebody from it. The regret that accompanied it was painstaking. What is even worse is that I can still do something about it but I just don't have the courage to face him again. I dunno how he feels and I can't find a way to become the close friend that we were before... Curse me...
What would you do if you saw a bird sitting on the road, facing the on-coming traffic but not flying away? Maybe it was hurt? I saw one while I was jogging earlier. I ended up nudging it lightly to the side of the road where the yellow stripes are. I did it with my shoes, for fear of bacteria and stuffs, u knw. As I left, I kept looking back and wondered, 'Have I done enough? What if some drivers decided to drive by the side and kill the bird?' I'm still very much affected by it. There are more that I could have done but I left it such. Am I still human? Curse me again....
The Origin. 2/05/2007 10:00:00 pm
Sunday, February 04, 2007
It is scary if you just think about it and try to link everything you are to the rest of the world. Just take a short moment and think about which part of you what you believe in, what you come to love, are truly yours? Let's start from the basic reactions to issues. Yes, we make our stands. But which part of your stand, your view is truly yours? They are just fragments of the society, your environment, the people you know and so many more that come together in an entity - you.
If you think more about it, you may argue that you are strong in all that you believe in. This is a part of your characteristics or maybe personality. Frankly, I'm never quite clear about the difference but that's not the issue here. However, our characteristics and personalities are just constituted from our experiences. We learn from our interactions in everyday life, we mirror certain things subconsciously and if without guidance, we will probably have mirrored the 'bad things' in society. Still, in this sense, the society and everything else play a part in our character or what we sometimes term who we are.
Then let us talk about what we believe in, be it religion, values, the earth in round, whatever.. We don't believe in new things. We grow to believe things that have already have followers. Do you get my point? Our beliefs are basically again, fragmented beliefs from the rest of the world around. Even in our quest to be different, like believing in good karma or maybe that the earth is infact square, there is someone else out there who probably already believe so, and she/he may have undergone certain similar experince with the society as u.
The plain fact is that we are just living entities with nothing on our list of possessions. Whatever that we hold on to, be it dreams, beliefs, love, they are all 'rented' from the world around. It goes both way in this sense, we have 'rented' these to give us our 'identity' while the world/society has 'rented' us to display her 'identity'. Thus I have a liking for the phrase 'life for rent'. Am I making sense here?
Perhaps it sounds saddening to some that we are in fact not unique, no matter how much we think we are. However, if u think about it, wouldn't it be nice to get to know people who are similar to you once in a while? It is the companionship that comes along that is precious. It is in a sense about societal acceptance. To add further confusion into this, what I have said above is also but a view formed from the fragments of society. Even the very words that I am typing now are formed from the society......
Life for Rent - Dido
I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive
If my life is for rent...
The Origin. 2/04/2007 11:25:00 am
Friday, February 02, 2007
There are some many things I wanna say but I have been having mental block for writing them down. So this shall be a short kinda entry:
1. Weili asked me, 'now that you have so many things to do, is 'getting attached' still something u go for as in ur resolution?' The answer is it has never been something I actively do. It is just some crap that appeared in my first resolution because my 'pea brain' cldn't tink of anything else to write. Then I decided to keep it because my 'pea brain' still can't tink of anything to write. It doesn't mean that I won't do anything if I meet somebody I like. It just means that I don't go and woo any girl around.
2. A friend asked me, 'how can u manage to get such a good cap when you are doing so many stuffs in usc? u seem to be there for most of the activities.' She probably been to less activities than I did. In any case, I took some of the slackest n easy to score mods last sem. Thus my grades were so. I doubt i can do the same this sem....
3. 'you must have a thirst for knowledge to join the prog.' No I dun. I just wanna live overseas. While some people worry about having to leave their homes, I long to do so. Not because I hate my home (No I dun hate!!)but because of the desire to travel and experience.
4. 'Is Kenneth fine with it?' It was an issue about bgr and I was perceived to be hurt. I leave it to u to draw ur own conclusions. I was hurt in fact but it is over. Je vai bein.
The Origin. 2/02/2007 11:28:00 pm