Friday, December 29, 2006
Here's the question: Why must there be a loss of friendship if you let the other party know about your feelings and the other party rejects you? Friendship is based on a positive feeling and a certain level of comfort. It would be natural when one party develops feeling for the other along the way and equally likely that the other party does not feel the same. So just confess, reject and move on already rite? Yes, there may be embarassment and less sharing of feelings/secrets but that is a price to pay and will only be repaid over time.
Just a side note, I felt lazy to style my hair today and wore a cap to school. The assumption was made that I had a bad hair day and I went along with it as a joke. It remained as a joke to me until BiYing looked at my hair and said, "wah.. you really have a bad hair day arh." This teaches us a lesson not to fool around too much and to tell the truth. - lame-ass moral lesson.
And I still don't understand the big issue about why guys can't wear purple!!!
The Origin. 12/29/2006 11:24:00 pm
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I think the title is self-explanatory..
1. Had dinner with Kayjal at Thai Express last week. According to her, a few of the aunties kept stealing glances at the 2 of us right from the moment we walked into the branch in Paragon up to the moment we left. It was probably cuz of the usual disagreement against inter-racial relationships, and the view that a guy & a girl together makes a couple. I didn't notice it as I was seated facing the wall - an excuse for me being dense.
2. Got chided by Qing Zhang for wearing feminine colours like pink, pale yellow and stuffs. Wan Qi then asked if I have purple clothes too. To which, the answer is yes. And yes, I already know that purple is a
gay-pride colour but I bought them still (yes, I have a few purple clothes). I guessed my decision to buy them was affected by the design of the clothes (which are nice) and maybe a little refusal to be tied down by what I call - foolish conservative views.
3. Since we are at the gay-pride colour, I probably have to touch a little on gay/lesbian issues. My point of view is simple. If relationships are about feelings and passions, then people should be able to have feelings for people of the same sex. If relationships are about commitment and companionship, then people should be able to be committed to people of the same sex. If a lasting relationship starts from being able to look at the inner-beauty of the other half (not the external ones), then why the hell is there so much oppositions against gays/lesbians? I'm not gay but I don't quite understand the common disagreement against them.
4. Lastly, I was doing some handicraft work (for volunteer thingy) with some people in and an acquaintance came along. She started on how we are doing some things wrong and gave us instructions in an I-know-it-all tone. She maintained her views after a friend pointed out that our method is actually an alternative one. Well... I was a little bit pissed off at that time but the slightly more polite side of me refused to allow the irritable side of me to say anything mean. Anyway, I felt that views like my own at that point in time are conservative in a sense. I was too conservative to want to allow people to come and tell me what I should do. Am I making sense here? The point is simply that I found it to be a wrong way of thought and should be changed la.
By the way, found this article while I was searching for the site on purple colour -
Article.
And a new layout....
The Origin. 12/28/2006 07:59:00 pm
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I'm SlowwwwHere comes a fairly crappy post. (Actually, I think there are some serious parts but oh well.. I just wanna start with that sentence today.) Anyway, the reason for making the already well-known statement - I'm slowww is because of 2 fairly recent incident. 3 actually but I don't wanna talk about the 3rd.
Firstly, I met Ai Tian & Lin Run for dinner last week. Ai Tian bought a tee for Lin Run from Bangkok and during one of their washroom trips, Lin Run changed to her new tee. So the 2 of them came out and asked me, "Do you see any difference?" It took me at least 5 mins and some walking to finally realised tt Lin Run changed her top.
Next, my sister and I were switching our rooms on Sunday. The process entailed moving everything in our original rooms to our "new" ones. I took 2 hrs longer than my sister to complete because I took my own sweet time. "The Australians do things at a slow pace too, u knw?", I told my mother. Ha.. They ended up playing mahjong while waiting for me to finish packing....
Anywayz, caught Curse of the Golden Flower. 3 words - complicated sia la. The relationships are complicated, the backdrops are intrigue but complicated and the processes are also complicated. The only not-so-complicated scene was after the massacre of 10000? (I have prb converting chinese digits to english) soldiers where they were cleared away like rubbish.
Also, I got my results today. It ain't excellent but it is above my expectation. It means something to me cuz I have much more commitments than I had in JC and I am doing fine. Heng la.
I wanted to say "u look great" cuz I really felt so. But I didn't... Hmmm.. still too shy? crap...
Anywayz, here's an arrow from Mr. Her's many random arrows..
FAVOURITE COLOUR not really. So long as they go well or look nice
FAVOURITE FOOD pizza
FAVOURITE MOVIE LoTR
FAVOURITE SPORT slowww jog
FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK friday
FAVOURITE ICE CREAM chocolate, rum & raisin
FAVOURITE TV SHOWS Grey’s Anatomy
CURRENT MOOD sleepy
CURRENT TASTE my dinner.. lamb leg…
CURRENT CLOTHES singlet n berms
CURRENT DESKTOP no desktop,using laptop
CURRENT TOE NAILS COLOUR dun have
CURRENT TIME 2205hrs
CURRENT ANNOYANCE nothing. In fact, I’m kinda happy
CURRENT THOUGHTS doing this survey
FIRST BEST FRIEND I only rmb the ones from sec sch onwards.. sharon
FIRST CRUSH pri 5
FIRST MOVIE aliens
FIRST LIE pri 3 – lied tt I did not bring my homework when I brought but did not do.
FIRST MUSIC forgot
LAST CIGARETTE non-smoker
LAST DRINK plain water
LAST CAR RIDE saturday
LAST CRUSH now?
LAST PHONE CALL qing zhang
LAST CD PLAYED david tao - compilation
HAVE YOU DATED ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? no
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN THE LAW? I think I broke a few without knowing
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED? nope
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SKINNY DIPPED? nope
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW? nope
HAVE YOU EVER LOVED AND LOST SOMEONE? Very vague.. dunno the answer
SINGLE, TAKEN OR CRUSHING? crushing
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE NOW? I dunno until I get my results tmr. haha
WHEN YOU MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, DO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM/HER FAST? yes
HAVE YOU EVER GOT YOUR HEART BROKEN? yes
DO YOU WAN CHILDREN? Not really. Depends on other half too.
HOW MANY? Max of 2
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER ADOPTION? Yes.
ARE YOU ROMANTIC? Ask my future gf
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE SOMEONE? If the someone is me, yes.
IF YOU COULD GET MARRIED SOMEWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? A church far far away? But marriage is btw 2 ppl.. so I need to knw the other half’s mind…
DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? yes
HAVE YOU EVER WISHED THAT YOU COULD HAVE SOMEONE BUT YOU MESSED IT UP? Yes but more like I didn’t do enough
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A HEART? I think so but I have no idea
IF ONE DAY YOUR BEST FRIEND FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH, WHAT WILL YOU DO? I think I’ll go for it and see who the girl decides on. If he were my best friend he’ll understand. I hope.
The Origin. 12/27/2006 02:56:00 pm
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Reality CheckWell... I was at City Hall yesterday and I noticed a great number of security cameras there to guard every exit and angle. Don't you just find it a little bit scary? With the war on terrorism going on, there have been an increase in security cameras overlooking almost every public areas. Imagine your stroll down orchard rd being observed by a single security station with the help of the cameras. It is scary.
I later went home to a lesson on reality check provided by my mother. I guess I asked for it in a sense. The question that runs in my head: is it worth it? Can I make it any different? But what can I do? I'm only one imperfection amongst imperfections.
The Origin. 12/23/2006 12:09:00 pm
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Thoughts?I guess I should start by simply saying what I did mention a number of times - I feel that for me, getting attached in Uni is almost a near impossibility the more I think about it. If it is anything, it is probably the mindset. It is like over the years, I have lost what were originally there. You know, the childish beliefs like waiting and stuffs. And in a sense, I'm stucked in the middle. I loathe the old me as well as the new one. I loathe the childishness of the old. I'm disgusted with the new me for the lack of what I had in the old. Sounds complicated? haha.. So how can I bring myself to even stay at a time like this? Much less talk about love. A fren was kind to say tt it is natural for the coming of age, out of army and stuffs. But I think it is just me.
And the more I think about it, the more I question... Should I look for a sense of comfort level as feelings do not last? Or should there be a feeling a passion when I know it doesn't last? Am I questioning all these because I really wish to be in a relationship? Or am I questioning because I am 'wanting' what the society thinks that I should have? How much about me wanting to be attached is really me? Or am I simply going along with the flow of everything? These are the questions which I never really have the answers to. I lost the me who is the answer.
Coming to this point, I'm simply stucked with the idea that there is nothing that last. It is the simple act of how toys were your treasure or how collecting manga may be ur hobby or plastic models or anything else. It is like this day, you buy a certain item that you are so sure that you will keep it for ages to come but years later, you have already lost all interest in it. Then it'll proceed to the attic and finally, when the attic becomes so full, it will be dumped. Similarly, there are many things that get lost along the way in life. You know, like ideals, beliefs, friends, families, love, feelings and so many more. All can be lost progressively over time or lost in the blink of an eye. Simple as that.
So why this particularly depressing entry? Maybe I am just disturbed by the movie I just caught - Deja Vu. Well.. It is a sci-fi suspense trailer which raised some thoughts in me. Firstly, it is how the protagonist felt that a murdered victim looked pretty and later fell for her when there was a chance to look at how the victim lived her life 4 days prior to her death. Next, it is how the ending may seem like a happy one can also be viewed as the sad message that the protagonist conveyed - there will always be something lost. SKIP TO THE NEXT PARA IF YOU DO NOT WANT A SPOILER. The ending is that the alternate protagnist ended up with the gal but the protagonist who came back from the future to correct the wrong, died.
Or maybe it is just an accumulation of stuffs before that led up to this entry because I did spend an afternoon shopping and commenting about some of these stuffs even before the movie. Whatever the case, it does feel good to be able to say them and not receive judgemental comments. Ha.. And also some comments of support. (thanks mate)
Finally, I got home at 7 this evening and walked a little in the drizzle. Well.. The only way to enjoy a walk in the rain is that there is nothing you are worried that will be damaged in the rain and that you are not worried that you will be sick for anything important the following few days.
-I suppose it is natural for people to judge and it is equally natural for people not like to be judged. Since it is such a natural cycle then why be bothered about the judgements?
The Origin. 12/10/2006 08:05:00 pm