Saturday, March 31, 2007
First of all, the following entry may be offending to some people. Sorry!
To speak the truth, I have never understood how is it that the girls I go after are not the 'best' ones around but somehow, a number of guys are going after them. In fact when I come to think about it, I do not look for much when I think about the issue of girlfriends. (I was thinking of using 'look for a girlfriend' but it just sounded wrong in some sense) When asked if I'm bothered with issues like the girl smoking, clubbing or whatever, my answer is usually 'I'm fine with it'. Now, even if I were to extrapolate into maybe 10 years down the road, in terms of qualities of a wife, I am not at all concerned with issues like her being able to do the house chores and I'm certainly not concerned with having kids. The important thing is a certain set of values that we hold in common, the comfort of her company, the feeling, and she has a goal of her own (that does not aim at being a tai tai who sits at home) etc. Now, if you were to just strip away the issue of feelings, who I'm looking for actually doesn't sound close to being a girl. As in, it is nothing uniquely feminine, if u get my point. In other words, the qualities also appear on guys.
As such, what it is that holds me back from going after another guy is simply the so-called feeling. Feeling can be argued to be some form of a societal construct, and holds some form of a societal stereotype against homosexual behavior. Having analyzed this, and giving it some thoughts, the only thing that has probably result in me going after a girl is simply because a girl has breasts and does not have penis. Now, if I were to be able to just overcome this simple hurdle, then I'm gay.
Of course, I am not a homosexual but having gone through a few books on homosexuality, I have developed the above thoughts.
The Origin. 3/31/2007 11:13:00 am
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Based on the beliefs of certain religions, retribution is something divine that supposedly 'god' deals to one who does bad. Or maybe it applies to the good being rewarded too. However, if you look back at the fact that religion is simply a support that man create to give themselves meaning in life, then who deal the retribution? Is it not man then? Yet, if you extract yourself from the whole discourse of such a religion, have you considered that the so-called retribution is but a result of a cycle of what men do? A does something bad to B, and somewhere down the road, C decides to do something bad to A. We call that retribution sometimes. It is just like how V said, "There is no coincidence. Only the illusion of coincidence." Coincidence is but a result of many individual decisions that leads to some event that occurs in somebody's life.
On a separate note, I overheard a guy saying that he has kind of stopped looking for a girlfriend as most of the girls he likes are usually attached or sth along that lines. I felt I could relate to him in a way.
The Origin. 3/27/2007 06:59:00 pm
Monday, March 26, 2007
It has got to do with the morning light or maybe it has got to do with the orangey light from the street lamps. The sight of rain in the early morning is just so beautiful. The sound of the the rain drops pattering on the roof of the bus, the roads and the bus stop shelter, sounded so intimidating at times and yet so strangely calming at others. Most important of all, the scent of the rain has always been so nice. It isn't the sweet scent of flowers but it has its individualistic attractiveness. Kinda like freshly cut grass. It isn't something one gets to smell often. Yet, the irony of all these is that the appreciation has been done from under a shelter. How can one truly appreciate if one does not immerse into it? Will you step into the rain with me the next time it rains? Or will you laugh at my foolishness?
The Origin. 3/26/2007 09:37:00 pm
Sunday, March 25, 2007
A comment was made in the middle of a lesson - 'XXX, you very sia lan leh.' XXX was actually a person from where I shall not name (in case I spark off some racial dispute. lol). This comment is by itself a prejudice, I think. XXX is actually someone from overseas and he has every reason to be a show off. He is more hardworking and smarter in a sense. He deserves the right to be sia lan in a sense. Of course, once you get the right, you have to make the choice whether to be so and obviously he made it so. Whatever the case, I'm a little sick of constant unhappiness by people about how scholars from overseas are muggers, shifting the bell curve and stuffs. It is just so whinny. I see certain roots of unhappiness that form around them and I realized that the roots appear amongst us as well. There is no difference. So why not take it like a man? They are more hardworking and maybe smarter but if they can do it, why can't we? We are just not putting in enough effort. So less complaints please.
"A free-thinker will rank salvation last" - Some of my friends took some personal goals ranking test and this was the result. Ha.. I dunno about the rest of the choices but that will not be high on my list. I did make an attempt to feel god be4 but failed miserably when I left the place of worship, not feeling the ting that others say they do. I guess I just have this foolish belief that there is no single interpretation of god. There is only one god and all the religions are actually talking about the same god. As a result, people use religion as an excuse for battle.
By the way, do you feel love? Funny but I dun. I guess I know love more than i feel it. I know I have love from my family and friend but I simply do not feel a thing. Maybe I am just trying to identify a feeling with logic which is bound to fail.
The Origin. 3/25/2007 09:48:00 pm
This might be a long entry cuz I have accumulated a few days worth of thoughts, and it might be challenging some stuffs.
First of all, I read a friend's blog entry regarding how she couldn't find what she want to do in life. I must admit that I have never been drawn into this whole theory of needing to know what you want to do in life and what your dream job is. Nonetheless, I still study because I have been so deceived by the system that I have always seen studying to be a part of life. Like breathing in the sense, you just do and not question. During my NS period, I have tried to search for a purpose. Ha.. I even turned to religion but I simply didn't feel the 'god' whom/that/which has been conveyed. It took me some time to finally realise (or at least I think I realised) I see a job as simply a job. What I want to do in life is simply to get out of this place. Or rather, to keep moving from places to places. Seeing and experiencing. A job is only a source of income for this. Thus what I want to do in life is not what my job is going to be.
Next, I vaguely recall a friend saying that after his/her (I forgot which fren) yep trip, he/she felt that there are people who can survive without money and stuffs, and that he/she thinks that we are too materialistic. Then, I kind of agreed with what he/she said. However, today, the views have changed. I found it to be a wee bit stupid to think of it this way cuz given here and now, we have the opportunities to live our lives on comfort, why not? I agree that our level of comfort here may be much higher than other places but what is the point of living when you do not get the best out of everything there is? Yet, I think this pt of view is just because I am too comfortable and protected that I choose try to maintain status quo in a sense.
On to another topic, the last things that one should say when people help you to do work like moving heavy stuffs (for free) are 'What do you guys get out of this?' and 'Have you guys considered being construction workers?'. I was a little bit stunned when I heard that and for the shortest moment I was pissed. Yet, I promptly ignored it the very next moment. Ok. I did not ignore the incident but I guess I ignored the person who said it and I ignore the anger that came associated with her. Or maybe I have been on an emotional roller-coaster ride for the whole week that I can't be bothered by her.
On a separate note, I think we are just kids who keeps whining about how others are better than ourselves, and so we discriminate against people who come all the way here to study. The fact is that they have so much at stake that they have to work doubly hard. They should not be the excuse for our failure. Take it as a challenge and move on. They are humans after all, what we see them doing is actually what we are doing but less obvious cuz we are so indoctrinated in it.
Next, an issue that have been bugging me is how there is a need to understand the girls you like and yet, girls have this kind of categorisation-of-guys-into-friends-or-possible-other-halves kind of thing going on.
I have also noticed one thing in a particular person. It is her subtleness in conveying what she wants to say. I guess I was subtly influenced by her. I eventually took a bit of initiative to do what I hope was right.
In addition, it is particularly disturbing when a guy tells you that he dreamt about you telling him that you are tanner. Either he is a bi (cuz he is attached) or I have been over-broadcasting about my recent attempt to get tan.
On Thursday, i decided to take a change of route by taking 188 to school. I cursed myself for this stupid decision as I missed 2 buses due to over-crowding. Yet, my mood was suddenly lifted when 4 cars knocked back to back right in front of me. I was simply amused by the coincidence of it all. There was no injuries other than damage on the cars.
There are also a certain number of misconceptions about me going on and on namely, I club often, I have god-knows-how-many-girlfriends-already, I'm not a Singaporean and I am stupid (The person who said this actually gave me an expected cap score. But I dun really care about this anyway)
finally,I wanted to say something about the thoughts I have from the USC productions but I kinda remember that I have repeated the same issue over and over again that I'll probably get sick of it in future when I look back at my entries. And I am sooo going to sleep.
(Staying over in somebody else's room in school is not the most comfortable thing but it does make more sense to do so.)
The Origin. 3/25/2007 01:34:00 am
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
It is scary how fast things change. In another year or two, I'll probably not know anybody within the organization anymore. This guy is gone, that guy is here to take over, and the guy over there had retired.... I suppose this is the sight u get when you know people who have almost reached the end of their life-long career. In any case, I went back for the event today. I guess I went back because I had a good experience with that organization and it is not everyday that I'll get invited to such an event. It is a good learning experience too , to sit there and just observe how certain people carry themselves. (i'm trying to be vague here cuz when I mentioned this event to a guy this morning, his eyes nearly popped out as he stared at me with disbelief)
The Origin. 3/20/2007 07:42:00 pm
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Ok. The first part has nothing to do with the title. Here's just a short advertisement for USC productions: Talking in Bed. It will be on from 23rd to 25th Mar. Tickets for sale at $18 for students, on 23rd and 24th. And 25th will be a charity gala nite. Tickets are at $100 for one, $150 for two and $50 for restricted view. Can contact me if u r interested. (Btw, I'm gg on 24th.). Here's the advertisement video to it.
On to the topic... Here are three short clips from Music and Lyrics.
Let's see.. The thing about a film like Letters from Iwo Jima is that death has been a promise made right from the start (or is it the end?). Thus a company of soldiers committing suicide cuz of some stupid pride thingy that the commander has, was kind of expected to me. Yet, I must admit that despite the certainty of death, in the midst of the movie, I was lured into believing in whatever small pieces of hope there are. Then all hopes are crashed when Ching Shui was shot by an American solder after he surrendered. It was like the interaction of the japanese commander with an injured american solder had shown that it was possible for each side to show mercy to the other, all the near-death experiences Ching Shui n the protagonist ( i forgot his name) that escaped from and even up to the part just before Ching Shui's death, there was already a deserter who surrendered before him, all of them show some signs of hope. But ultimately, all these were crashed when the shot was fired and the reason for doing so was told. I was quite affected by it. Felt so cheated la!!!
On a separate note, there is a path in Bt Panjang that I have grown particularly fond of. It is just a normal pedestrian pathway along Petir Road all the way to Dairy Farm Road. I first started jogging along this path because of its spaciousness. Other than that, there is almost nothing attractive about it. Especially with the frequent funerals that are held at some of the void decks, the constant destruction to the pathway cuz of upgrading and about 4 carpark entrances/exits cutting the path. I guess it may be just the spaciousness but after some thoughts, I guess it is because that is the longest path in Bt Panjang, along which I have walked/jogged without a need to get somewhere in time or fulfill needs. I recalled the other paths, to the plaza, to the bus stop, etc. I am always rushing along them and I am almost always with my earphones on - something I dun bring along when I jog.
This brings me to my next question to all those mp3/cd player (hp.. watever) owners out there: When was the last time you walked alone without those music in your ears? When was the last time you hear all the 'noises' of the world? For me, it was a long long time ago since the day I got my cd player and after that my mp3 player. Maybe it is simply cuz I have a slight anti-social streak in me but I put on my player even if I go to the plaza to run a short errand. I have not been on a bus without my player on unless its batt is flat. I heard the birds chirp in the one morning my mp3 player died on me. It was a nice 'noise'. I heard the churning of the car engines. I heard the footsteps of strangers. I heard 'noises' but I missed them a little. Strange ya?
Yet, when I took a walk to the nearest bus stop ytd night after JH boarded the bus and left, I instinctively took out my player. I could have easily took another bus to the particular bus stop to board NR3 but I chose to walk. I love the night and the emptiness of streets that are usually crowded.
(At this point, all functions and capabilities of what is left of my pea brains, have entered shutting down phase. The words are not flowing smoothly and the trains of thoughts have all miraculously disappeared from sight. In short, I am going to bath and sleep la. I must be listening to too much Brett Mccinnes, who went through a whole load of crap about talking and then said, 'Shut up.')
The Origin. 3/17/2007 11:43:00 pm
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Many years ago, our paths crossed. There was no coincidence, only a combination of decisions. We laughed a great part of the time we spent together. Those days were beautiful, young and carefree. There was no desire, wanting or ulterior motive, just the simple enjoyment of company.
Then our paths parted. Our meeting-ups were less frequent because of this. Anyway, we moved on in our various spheres - laughed, cried, angered, disappointed.. We experienced them all. We experienced different things and learned different lessons. Essentially, we got molded into very different people as we knew one another back then. Still, we remembered one another.
Some years later, somehow, we got back together and gatherings became more frequent. Somethings just don't change, yet somethings do. Late night movies and cafe hangouts, in our slacks, and hang outs at ppls' places. It is nice and heart-warming. Ultimately, I guess it is the comfort of one another's company. Who else can we meet and feel comfortable without any hair gel, unshaven and stuffs? Yet, others will never understand.
What am I saying? Just some views and some feelings. I must admit having difficulty in conveying but I tried.
On a separate note, another cantonese song:
The Origin. 3/15/2007 07:24:00 pm
Caught Music and Lyrics earlier with Qian Hui, Sharon and Qin Yi. Hmm.. I must confess that half-way through the movie, I was questioning, 'With so much time and stuffs, why does the producer choose for the characters to come up with such a fairy-tale like lyrics for the melody?' At the end of the whole show, my conclusion is that it is simply a message to the world that songs should be like that. Remember that it takes about 2 yrs for a film to eventually make it to screen. Thus at the point when the scripts and ideas were thought about, the music industry is experiencing an increase in songs that are realistic and reflect the anger and rage of youths. I concluded thus after the scene where Alex scolded Sophie for not being realistic and stuffs.
The other qn that I asked was, 'Why the heck does the pop princess who is better than Britney and Christina combined, worships Buddha and seems to be spreading the religion by her songs and the display of Buddha sculpture during her concert?' I figured sth very vague but shall not talk about it cuz of its implications. haha... Anyway, that character is like the biggest joke of the film. Not to mention, Alex's 80's dancing style that requires him to get hip replacement. lol
The Origin. 3/15/2007 12:55:00 am
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Ha.. This is a topic I seldom talk about. In any case, this is a trip down the memory lane again. Looking back, I know and new that I had some sort of an inferiority of complez. I never quite pin-pointed where this came from until a friend commented about how somebody else has low self-esteem. I figured that my lack of self-esteem be4 was probably due to a sister who did exceptionally well in her studies while I couldn't. My sis topped her clz in primary, went to RV sec, RJC and then to NTU. I never could match her. I was on borderline in primary sch, went to scss and ajc. Ha.. Just from the looks, I was always 'beneath' her. Although my parents tried not to compare, there had been times when all these were brought up. BUT this is not to say that I hate my sis or anything. Capabilities is one thing, family ties is another.
Here and now, I dare say I do possess a certain degree of self-confidence that I never did. I attribute it to many reasons, which I have yet to sort it out. Yet, even now, I believe in a simple adage, 'there is a thin line between being egoistic and being confident.' Call it Ah_Ken's adage. (haha.. it is part of my dream to create Ah_Ken's laws which will be on par with Murphy's laws.. crap..)
To me self-confidence is simply the knowledge that I can do or meet whatever challenges. I don't need anybodies' praises or acknowledgement, and I certainly do not need to display it. To some extent, I tink displaying self-confidence or eing egoistic is but a sign of weakness.. go figure... haha...
Anyway, try this cantonese song. I thought it sounds nice.
The Origin. 3/11/2007 05:41:00 pm
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Coincident to yesterday's entry, I faced an almost similar senario today. I woke up early today, did my morning businesses and was out of my house to catch bus 184 at around 7 am. It is the suitable timing that if I got onto the bus and got onto 151 after I reach Bt Timah, I will be strolling to LT 7A in time for the 8 am lecture. However, the hidden conspiracy of the universe hit me just when I was going to board the bus: I left my Ez-link card in another card holder at home!!!! I immediately cursed under my breath (I hope that it was a soft curse cuz I was with my headphones on) and hurried back to my house. From that pt to the time I reached home and found my Ez-link card, I was facing one of the greatest dilemma of my day - should I just hang around until my sis wakes uo and leave home with them. I'll miss the lecture if that was the case. In the end, the better side of me prevailed and I hurried back to the bus stop and boarded the 184 that came along. All went well along the way to school and I made it to LT 7A in time with a certain amount of brisk walking.
Ha.. A whole load of crap just to say that I have turned over a new leaf regarding the skipping of lectures. Anyway, there's a reason for my Ez-link card being in my card holder. It is that I went for an evening jog the day before, just when the sky was parted by a thinning line between stormy dark clouds and bright sunshine. How smart of me to go for a jog at a time like that right? I was just in a bad mood for missing the math lecture when I planned to go for it la. Ultimately, it rained while I was half-way through the jog. I ended up boarding a bus back home. During my wait for the bus, I saw an old lady, without an umbrella and pulling a trolley in the rain. She approached the bus-stop. She took a peek into the rubbish bin and reached in to grab an aluminium can. The load on her trolley consisted of waste cardboards and stuffs. I felt pity for her there and then. What had she done to deserve it? And I wondered if I would grow old to become like that. I felt uncertain for a moment and I quietly thanked god for the life that I'm leading now.
Then I questioned (maybe it is an innately usp kinda thing) - why the heck did I feel that to be something sad and bad? Is it the society that caused me to be so? If I have been in another place or another time, will I feel diferently about it? It is not as if it is a crime or it hurts others in any way. That is the point right?
The Origin. 3/06/2007 05:53:00 pm
Monday, March 05, 2007
I think the universe is conspiring against me attending lectures that I have been webcasting since week 2/3.
I took an effort to attend the 8 am CN 1111 lecture last tue but of all things, it rained the moment I got off the bus. To make it worse, I brought the lecture notes ahead of what the lecturer was covering.
Today, I made the effort to wake up early so that I can reach school by 9 to watch a 2-hrs webcast be4 lunch at 1130. Of all things, I had to miss 151 when I got off my bro-in-law's car and there has to be a jam along bt timah rd. I ended up reaching at around 10. It was kinda too rush for a webcast and I ended up doing some tutorials. I so wanted to complete tt lecture so that I can go for the one in the evening. But oh well...
By the way, NEVER buy a drink just because the colour of the packaging looks nice to u and u decided to try sth new! I tried the new flavour from Vitasoy - red bean with soya bean. I almost died.......
The Origin. 3/05/2007 10:12:00 pm
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I feel that talking cock and being childish at times are key to relieve yourself of stress. I guess that's an excuse for me talking cock nearly 24-7 but believe it or not, I don't talk so much cock when I am at home. I guess it is just a different atmosphere. I'm a man of few words at home. ha.. To some extent, I feel that it resulted in me talking cock so much when I'm with my friends. A suppressed individual at home? ha..
In any case, that wasn't what I set out to say today. Another possible reason for me talking cock so much is simply that I don't see the point in talking about other stuffs most of the time. Well.. I don't see the point in telling people my problems at a given pt in time. I mean what the hell is there for a fren to do to help me? Maybe he/she can 'share' my problems but ultimately I am walking down the path of life alone. The idea of sharing your problems is but an illusion. I am simply creating a share of my problem in my fren when I 'share'. Life does not revolve around the theory that nothing can be created or destroyed. When I tell somebody about my problems, I am in the process of creating an extra share of burden. The burden I'm carrying does not lighten from me telling anybody anything about it. Unless of course, that person is there to walk with me down the rest of the path. Then maybe there's a justification to share. If not, what can come of me telling anybody anything about my problems when nothing can be done to solve it anyway?
Demoralising isn't it? But now see it from another view. By the simple act of sharing, and your fren being there to listen, it is an assurance that you are not alone afterall. And probably by telling, your fren might be able to give some insights that may not directly help but may jolly well make u feel better.
Sounds like some talk on practicality ain't it? ha.. I guess it is pretty obvious which stand I'm more convince with ya? haha..
The Origin. 3/03/2007 06:30:00 pm
i AM myself
Name: Kenneth aka Ah_Ken
DOB: 14 Jul 85
Current Status: Mugging my life away in NUS. Life is a BIG deception!
Residence: Bt Panjang
Likes: Chocolate, Soft Shell Crab (Cuz I'm LAZY), Shopping, Slacking, Reading Manga..
Dislikes: None I can think of at the moment..
Short Term Dream: Get my ass to France for SEP at least.
Long Term Dream: A nice condominium at Marina Bay or in Orchard cuz... very atas la!!
Description: Just ur average guy...
your voice
quotes
"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." - Dr. Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy
'How happy is the little Stone
That rambles in the Road alone,
And doesn't care about Careers
And Exigencies never fears-
Whose Coat of elemental Brown
A passing Universe put on,
And independent as the Sun
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute Decree
In casual simplicity-' - How happy is the little Stone by Emily Dickinson
'This is your last chance.
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.' - Morpheus, The Matrix
'The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it if you do.' - Unknown
'There are plenty of people with good intentions who take the wrong actions in the end' - Gundam Seed Destiny
'Life is no straight and easy corridor along
which we must seek our way,
lost and confused, now and again
checked in a blind alley.
But always, if we have faith,
a door will open for us,
not perhaps one that we ourselves
would ever have thought of,
but one that will ultimately
prove good for us.' - A.J.Cronin
"Every life has one true-love snapshot
Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know
No life is a waste.
The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone"
"A man can endure alot if he still has hope." - Clyde T. Ellis
" 'Appreciate It.' 2 simple words. A life span of gratitude." - Cinderella Man
"A boxer enters the ring alone. If knocked down, he alone could pick himself up and keep the fight going." - Cinderella Man
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Jame J. Braddock: I know this isn't what you wanted. But I can't win if you're not behind me.
Mae: I'm always behind you."
"People die in fairy tales all the time." - Max Baer, Cinderella Man
"Maybe sometimes people need to see someone do it so they can do it." - Father Rorick, Cinderella Man
"You always got ot figure you're not the best man in the world, there might be somebody better. That's the way it was. That's the way boxing is. The champion don't always stand up. There's always somebody coming up to take him. That's a part of life." - Jame J. Braddock
"If either man falls through weakness or otherwise, he must get up unassisted" - The Queensbury Rules, No. 4
"All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory" - Motto of the King's Guard in Ancient Greece
"With each passing day in a good marriage, the love for your spouse grow stronger than the day before" - Cinderella Man
"I take responsibility" - President George W. Bush
"Sow a Thought, and you reap an Act; Sow an Act, and you reap a Habit; Sow a Habit, and you sow a Character; Sow a Character, and you reap a Destiny." - Samuel Smiles
"Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt - Shakespeare in Measure of Measure
"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn, LOTR
"To an outstretched hand we shall respond with an olive branch, but we shall fight fire with the harshest fire ever." - Israeli PM Ariel Sharon
"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human. " - The Matrix
"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath." - Balian of Ibelin, Kingdom of Heaven
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird
"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices." - Dumbledore, Harry Potter
"Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends." - Gandalf, LOTR
"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." - Lilo & Stitch
"Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." - Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart
"Every man dies, not every man really lives." - William Wallace, Braveheart