Friday, September 29, 2006
The AlchemistHmmm.. Finally found something to change the quote I have on the main page. It is from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is an easy to read kind of book. I find that it is kind of like a self-help book, asking you to believe, have faith and stuffs. However, still a nice read. I completed it by the 2nd day after I bought it. haha.. Compare this to the fact that I have been mugging 'making of a nation' since tuesday and I am still no where near the defeat of Japanese in WW2!!! Pls pray for me on coming Mon! OMG!!
Anyway, about the quote on the main page. I found that it really hit home for me. Afterall, I would like to travel overseas, visit the various places and indulge in their cultures. However, I'm taking the path of the baker - find a secure job, earn the cash and then travel. The truth is I don't have to go through tertiary education and find a good job to end up travelling around. I can pack my bags now, find an odd job and earn enough to get me to another country. So why am I still here? It is my very heart telling me that I am 'safe' in this cycle. (somewhere from the book) I am here because I am afraid of the change that I might have to embrace if I embark towards my dream.
Standing here at this pt in time, I see that it is still very possible to realise my dream if I continue on the 'safe' path. However, will other emotional baggages and responsibilities hop on as I go along? Thus stopping me from attaining my goal as I go along...
All these are the uncertainties of life I guess. I shall be here weighted down by the responsibilities I have now.
The Origin. 9/29/2006 11:38:00 pm
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Today... I Stepped Into A Bookstore And Bought BooksMaybe I was a bit stressed out by the studies i.e. Taylor series (sh**), cycles of time (deep sh**), material science (bloody sh**) and history of singapore (holy sh**). Maybe I needed something to draw myself away from the senseless obsession with modules and tests. Maybe I had intended to go the the library before meeting the rest but did not as I arrived at the meeting place just 5 mins before the meeting time. Maybe I was momentarily pissed that the rests are all late. I stepped into Kinokuniya and bought 2 novels.. Haha.. Not something that I have ever done in the past 21 yrs of my life.
Anyway, had another ma la huo guo steamboat dinner in Bugis. I think the previous shop that I went to with Xin Ru n gang was better in some sense. Cuz the meat were sliced thinner and stuffs.
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About crushes... As you grow older and braved a certain number of crushes (success or failed, whatever), you realise that they are simply feelings that come and impact at a particular instant but eventually die off after some time. You find that they are untrue. However, these are what give you feelings for anyone in particular.
Furthermore, after hitting the walls and committing mistakes here and there, you learnt not to trust these sudden onset of strong affection towards anyone. When crushes come, you wait, wait and wait for it to finally die off. After a number of cycles, you begin to question, "What then is true feeling?"
Is it because you have known tt person for a long time and feel sth for him/her? Again, you question, "But isn't this simply because you have grown so familiar and accustomed to the person? Isn't it just a feeling of attachment? Is this true? Well... Then stop the interaction for some time and see..."
So what is therefore true? After you disintegrate everything, nothing is real. I vaguely recall reading some quote along this line from my readings...
Anywayz, the point is that I will not commit the same mistakes again.
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I have been thinking things through. The question at hand is of great importance to me. For a long time, I have focused considerable efforts on certain things. However, after so much time, I need to question if all these are worth the commitment. Should I shift my focus and move on? I don't have to change and I don't have to make a choice now, or am I avoiding?
The Origin. 9/24/2006 11:33:00 pm
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Being Different? We Are Just Afraid Of It..First and foremost, I was very touched when a close friend shared a secret with me yesterday. Only 1 person shared secret with me yesterday, so it is you la! Ha.. Appreciate it. :)
Now for the main topic, I was reading the papers today and came across this article about the rising number of youths seeking treatment for STDs. The reason they felt was because of the increasing number of casual sex and multiple sex partners amongs youths. One of the girls who was interviewed about hy she lose her virginity at such a young age, said that 'everybody was doing it'. I found it an irony to some extent.
It is like all our teenage life, we are yelling to be 'different'. However, here we are following the trend set by our peers. I suppose we are afraid of being different and not accepted by our peers afterall. It is natural that we want to be socially accepted. Kind of pathetic, don't you think?
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I was a little disappointed about the management thus far. There's a need to change and improve. The key-word here is
ownership. A personal note to remember it.
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A wise advice was given to me by my mom. I have to admit that I see her point and agree with it to a large extent. However, I cannot adhere to it because of certain values that I hold. Come to think about it, after all the disappointments I experienced, I have to question, 'why do I still hold on to it?'
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I suppose I harbour a little anger against him but I am accepting all calmly. Despite how 'pissifying' his actions are, I did not blow my top or anything. Ultimately, we are father and son. I'm afraid in some sense that through this 'acceptance' of his actions as natural of him, I will grow to be like him. I suppose this is unfounded if I am strong enough when the time comes (if the time comes).
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Lastly, you can almost trust a sister to share the same reaction as you do on man issues. Haha.. Even if it meant the weirdest reactions. haha.. I can't help but stealed a laugh when I saw my own initial reaction on her.
The Origin. 9/23/2006 08:34:00 pm
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Low ProductivityA day of low productivity begun with a 2 hr lecture whereby I didn't understand anything after the 1st hr break. Arrived at Chatterbox after some 'pirating' at the library and engaged in a whole load of coffee table talks revolving around Chivalry in Present Day Society and Sex. Both are mutually exclusive conversations. After which, got home and lazed around until 5 pm before I went for a jog. I have been trying to engage in some productive mugging since but to no avail. Sigh...
Anywayz, the chivalry in present day society topic came about after Murali and Kaju (I have no idea how to spell her name la) returned from the canteen. They were engaged in the hot debate about it. A few of us chipped in a little here and there. It is a clash of 2 differing pt of views. 1) With gender equality, chivalry should no longer hold as chivalry by itself is an act of gender inequality. 2) Chivalry is the act of a gentleman and should continue as a form of courtesy.
I sympathised with view 1 as the simple and plain fact is that the act of chivalry comes from an age-old heritage of knights. It was from an era when men were the dominant race and women needed to be protection as they were the weaker sex. Naturally, if a man were to commit acts of chivalry, the underlying assumption would be that the ladies are of a weaker sex.
However, my point of view is that we are living in the present. Why then do we allow some interpretation that is god know how many centuries old dictate what we do today? In view of all the gender equality and stuff, chivalry should be viewed in a different sense, like a simple act of courtesy or maybe even a cultural norm. (This was the point when I jumped from Murali's ship to Kaju's ship)
On the second topic, we were happily debating until someone deceived us into doing a survey, which was initially concerned with talks in the forum. We later progressed to issues about STDs. And I learnt something new today: Ppl apply Tiger Balm between 2 layers of condoms and use them. The concept is tt if either party feels a burning sensation, the condom is torn. hmmmm..
The Origin. 9/20/2006 08:22:00 pm
Monday, September 18, 2006
Gone?I think it is gone. I do not feel it anymore. The head now rules. What is wrong? I do not know. Maybe I have followed the wrong thread, maybe I'm right. I don't know. I don't have the time to ponder anymore. Let's move, kid. Let nothing stand in your way.
The Origin. 9/18/2006 11:01:00 pm
Saturday, September 16, 2006
SMS'sSMS is a bad form of communication. In the first place, SMS stands for short message (sth). Ppl tend to type within the limit of 160 characters. Imagine a message being shortened to 160 characters. Many of the main ideas will be lost. What you want to communicate across will be lost in some sense. And obiously, what is received on the other side may be a mis-interpretation of your original intent.
Furthermore, as you send an SMS, there are problem with lags, failure to feel the vibration of the phone (as the alert for SMS's are shorter), etc. There is a need to take into consideration the time lag of a SMS. Thus if you need to communicate or get info ugently, SMS is not necessarily the best.
(haha.. there's also ppl like me who just have inertia when replying to SMS's)
Just some crappy pt of view.
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Getting sleepy but I'm still thinking.... Thinking of the little tidings I got of her today. Isn't it weird tt u can be at 1 place everyday but u never get to bum into maybe a particular individual? First crash just sucks.
The Origin. 9/16/2006 01:11:00 am
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Random Circles - Dun BotherI am nothing. I am only a small part in this world, trying my best to catch up in the rat race that my very birth has gotten me into. I seek a sanctuary where I can rest myself, hidden away from the endless competition. So once in a while in my dash for the finishing-line, I have stopped for brief seconds to see, hoping to find. However, I see none that I seek amongst the endless terrain. A long time past and I wonder if I'll ever find what I seek or even remember wat I seek.
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I asked anyway. I agreed anyway. They were 2 separate decisions in 2 separate situations but I did them anyway. The issues here are not concerned with whatever the results might be but rather the reasons for doing them. No, wait. It should be the lack of reasons for doing them.
The Origin. 9/13/2006 10:21:00 pm
UnethicalHmm... In my pt of view, it is unethical to ask your elderly mother-in-law for 12 bucks when your husband (and her son) is a boss of a company. Though the company may not be some big time MNCs, still the pt is that the husband is earning so much more compared to the 12 bucks that the old lady used for her medical fee. However, there are just so many faults around that all blames should not be casted on the daughter-in-law. For example, what the heck is the stupid son doing? Should he just leave his wife to handle everything? Plus, how are communication amongst the rest of the siblings, can they play their part more? What's with the traditional idea of daughters are married out and the old have to rely on their sons?
So the old lady at hand is my grandmother... You should know the rest. Well.. My mom is playing her part in this but her complaints about the daughter-in-law are endless. Her complaints were raised to my family and kept here. However, she did do something rather unethical today too... Hmmm... She's only human I guess...
On another note, I have been stepping out of my comfort zone a lot recently. The unwillingness to let the whole world (ok, I'm exaggerating) know my blog, has been crashed. This led to the case where much more people know about its address but dunno if they bother reading. The shyness to approach and speak has been replaced by crapping to almost-strangers at times. You need to be uncomfortable for change, I suppose. In addition, to get to know someone else better, you probably have to share some parts of you first.
The Origin. 9/13/2006 06:20:00 pm
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Who's The Real Sucker?Ok.. Actually the word I was looking for isn't sucker. I'm thinking more in the direction of being "xin siong sia zhai" but my limited vocabulary does not have a word for this, or at least I can't think of it now. And I just feel like keeping my title for this entry in full english...
Anywayz, the issue here is that a recent incident had me on high defence when the other party was joking (very loudly) about a common mistake. I was the one who committed that mistake. Even though the other party had stepped on my tail once already, I should not have became defensive over the minor issue. The natural instinct of a person who is xin siong sia zhai, I guess...
Need to change this...
The Origin. 9/12/2006 09:26:00 pm
Monday, September 11, 2006
Orange Is The Colour Of The MonthI'm not a big fan of orange colour though I may appear so. Orange bag, orange pencil case, orange pen, orange pencil, orange highlighter and now orange braces bands. I'm not a fan of orange. It just so happens that I was in the mood for orange when I bought those stuffs. The braces was just to try out.
Saw this at somebody's friendster profile under who they want to meet -
"
are you so stupid as to think that just because we're alone here, there's nobody else in the room? do you consider us so boring or so repulsive that of all the millions of beings, imaginary or otherwise, who are prowling around in space looking for a little company, there is not one who might possibly enjoy spending a moment with us? on the contrary, my dear- my house is full of guests..." -jean giraudoux, the madwoman of chaillot
The Origin. 9/11/2006 09:19:00 pm
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Dorcas & Kong WeeWent for Dorcas's wedding earlier this afternoon. She is married to Mr. Lee Kong Wee today. They are a beautiful pair of couple..
Separate from the joyful joining of the 2 individuals, I found the preaching by the palstor rather in appropriate at certain parts and also some of the contents sounded sexist.
After tt, Ai Tian, Lin Run, Jason and I went for coffee at TCC in Cineleisure. There was a small discussion about the up-coming wedding and how they wanted their future weddings to be like, who they wanna invite etc. hmm.. My simple answer was that in the best case senario, it will only be a small reception with witnesses from our familes, in some place overseas. Then probably come back and send cards to everybody to tell them that we are married. In the least ideal case (for myself), the other party sees the need for sth big, it will really depend on our financial capabilities... Anyway, wat the heck, marriage is so distant for me...
The Origin. 9/09/2006 11:06:00 pm
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Love in Making A Nation...Back in the early days after the founding of Singapore, the numbers of Chinese men to Chinese women were about 60000 to 6000. A large part of the women were prostitutes. As can be expected, marriages and settling down in Singapore were low. Low income is also another factor for this. (This is from "making a nation")
Gradually, migration restrictions were lowered and income levels rose with economic activities. Till today, marriage is the cultural norm for Singaporeans. Educate urself, get a stable career, get married, settle down bla bla bla..
Probably this is part of the reason for the rush to fall in love and be attached or maybe it is the influx of Western romance culture. To some extent, i also blame the influx of Western culture and a closed culture in Singapore for the fool's rush for sex amongst youngsters (now i sound really old) nowadays. Not that I am against pre-marital sex altogether but some acts by gullible kids are plain stupid.
I'm digressing. Anywayz, my qn is, "why do we have to fall in love?" Do you and I truly want it or is it just a simple consequence of society exerting a cultural norm on us? A lot of ourselves are made up by the society we are in, I guess. Your identity is essentially a big mix of everything you experienced and have been made to experience. Thus the qn I'm asking is essentially stupid.
After a whole load of crap, I guess I'm currently lingering in the region of making friends and searching for company. A quote from somebody (I forgot who), "I didn't dare to join this cuz I know I can't give my 100%." He/she was talking abt joining a cca but the pt is there. I knw my commitment now and I knw I will not be able to give my 100%.
An impt note to self: 1st impressions suck. Don't fall into tt trap again even though 1st impression = egoistic.
The Origin. 9/05/2006 09:38:00 pm
Monday, September 04, 2006
Night CyclingWent for mini-og gathering on Sat evening at Marina Bay but ended up at City Hall as not many turned up, and those who turned up did not felt like eating steamboat. After that, popped over to ECP for night cycling. Haha.. It was fun at a pace that wasn't too tiring nor too slack. There were also cases of ppl who didn't seem to know anything about traffic. But the night ended at 6 without any mishaps. We had a little bonding game of polar bear during the breaks and I was the first stupid civilian to be killed off by the stupid polar bear in blue tee. The reason was that I was sitting beside her. The funny part happened today when I was commenting to an acquaintance (I just met and found out tt she was also in the cycling trip but we don't recall seeing each other) about the stupid polar bear in blue tee who killed me. It turned out that that acquaintance was the polar bear in blue. How blur.....
Well.. Observed a thing or two during the cycling. Observed another thing or two about my reaction. A certain sense of nonchalant, I suppose. Or maybe I bother a little but am not bothered by what has became secondary.
Btw, USC elections ended with the committee being taken up by seniors. Kinda expected but still.. kudos to all the freshies who tried.
The Origin. 9/04/2006 08:53:00 pm
Saturday, September 02, 2006
MyopicI was a little myopic yesterday. Was having some coffee-table talk in chatterbox (the one in blk adm), then Grace raised a point about setting up a home for baby drop-off or sth along that line. This is to address the issue about the abandonment of infants that led to their innocent death.
My immediate reaction was that it was a stupid idea. My comment was, "Well.. It is like telling people, abandon your babies with us! Ya! Have premarital sex, don't practise safe sex and when you get pregnant, leave your babies here." This reaction was met with disagreement as I was not taking into account the feelings of the parents.
Come to think about it. I was myopic but I still stand with my view that it is not a good idea and if it were to be initiated, it must be cuz the govt is desperate.
First, it is not addressing the root of the problem (if it were to be seen as a problem in the first place). The root is probably the lack of open sex education (which the govt is trying to do sth about), coupled with the open culture that the media is instilling us with. I suppose there should be a culture of openess amongst us asians. Parents should learn from my mom! lol... Talking to e about ssafe sex while having dinner.. wahahaha
2nd, I say if the problem were to be viewed as a problem at all. The problem will not be perceived as a problem if everybody is more open and mind their own businesses. Open to single moms, open to pre-marital sex etc. The views of the society is sometimes very intimidating.
it is ultimately about our culture, I feel. Let's change it!
Anyway, I feel that "promoting a self-learning" environment is just an excuse for not being able to teach. Plus, an unwillingness to teach well. Stupid tutor snickered at my friend when she asked a qn about how to derive sth.
The Origin. 9/02/2006 01:38:00 pm