Friday, December 19, 2008
It was a string of random occurrences that gotten me to stumble upon this very random thought. Let's begin with the string of occurrences. It is essentially idiotic to discuss about when this string of occurrences all begun for it could go way into the past and I for one, do not think that any point in my life has been significant enough to define my very being now. I believe that everything major or minor, that happened sums up to who and where I am today. Thus while I would like to say that literature course in secondary school was the defining moment (at least for the purpose of this random thought I had or for this entry), I can't help but think about the various strings of occurrences that led to me thinking that it is a defining moment. Mind you, I am not even limiting these strings to be directly related to myself. Confused? It is probably due to my inability to take on some theory that i hardly know and won't make the effort to read up on it. But if you read or watch some time-travel sci-fi books or films, you should probably get it. Heroes season 1 and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time are pretty good.
In any case, I have drifted away from what I started off with. However, having said all those bullshit above, it is considerably wise to simply pick a few occurrences. Literature in Sec Sch, Friends, Chem Eng in Uni. I remember taking the extra effort to type out the whole letter that my lit teacher wrote to us all. I heard a recent news about him that would have came as a disappointment to many but it is not that much of one for me. He is only human after all. I believe that was what he once tried to teach us. Looking back, I guess he did not elaborate as much as he could. Maybe he didn't want to bring cynicism into the class of bright and cheery young people who may probably lead a more optimistic life than what he wanted to elaborate on. In any case, the literature lessons and teachings had taught me in many ways to be less result focused. To think creatively out of the box that the education system has encased us in. Most of all, it is about life.
Yet, after all these, I chose a different path from what literature had taught me. In a way, I chickened out. I chose the path any human being would choose. To do what you do best. I chose the sciences. People essentially like to do the things they are good at. Yet, it was slightly different for me. I hate studies whatsoever. In the best quote to describe how I feel about this issue is simply that 'it is just like breathing. you don't like it nor hate it. you just do it.' It is from To Kill a Mockingbird. the words are not accurate.
To speed things up a lil, it all came to a point when my friend told me that some of the others were actually a little envious of me for where I am today being driven to do well in studies. Well. it is a nice thing to know but then again things ain't all that perfect.
With that in mind, I couldn't help but to come upon this random thought that if my literature teacher had seen me now, would he be disappointed in any way that I have not became the possibility that I could have became from where I left off in literature. Then I realised that it was a stupid question as he would probably not be disappointed as this is only what a human would naturally do afterall and who the heck is him that I am to be concerned with him being disappointed in me. The question is really, "Am I disappointed in myself?"
I think not but do I truly think so.
The Origin. 12/19/2008 08:50:00 am
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I sort of saw a man died today. He died in his office. I was on level 2 when I heard so people saying that the man was in trouble. As I proceeded up to level 3 to fulfill my own purpose, I went past his office. He was sitting/resting on his chair. There were people around, looking. I could only see the back of the chair due to the man's small built. 15-20 mins later as I walked back down the path again, the paramedics were there and were carrying him out of the office. I later received an email informing that he passed away.
There were a million and one thoughts surrounding this incident. As I was minding my own business, I couldn't help but notice the number of people who stood around watching as they waited for the ambulance to arrive. Then I wondered, would it be better or more humane to have stood there amongst the rest and watch on but unable to do anything at all, and was it selfishness that makes one mind their own business while somebody was dying less than 5 mins away? On the other hand, what is the point of standing there and looking when one is essentially of no help? I think that standing there would essentially give rise to a different set of questions from what I am asking now.
Further to this, I also wondered if he died happy. Satisfied that he had live his life the way he wanted? Fulfilled his dream maybe? The thing is that we never really know these. Words are formed by the living for the dead. I often wonder when people write "He/She was a happy person.", did they really know that the deceased were happy? What if the deceased didn't like any of the words that his/her relatives chose for him/her?
Then there is the question, "Should I feel remorse like what some of my friends are expressing to me?" Like shocking etc. I don't. I had thought and still thinks that a good man had died but this is essentially part of the cycle. There is nothing to be shocked about and frankly, I don't feel close to him enough to feel sadness. Then again, I really wonder with I would feel sadness should somebody close pass on.......
The Origin. 12/11/2008 10:28:00 pm