originality; cold-fire

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Being True

Watz the pt of a blog if you do not dare to be truthful in it? Everything will be in face-value.

Had a long conversation with Sharon & Jun Hong last night. Well.. Somehow the atmosphere & the timing was suitable, we spoke about our problems from the heart. Something that we don't usually do. The superficiality of our friendship. Shall talk about my problem and not the others'. The only reason why I do not talk abt it is that I'm afraid tt it'll affect the attitude of the ppl who bother to listen. However, I'm not being truthful to myself if I don't.

When I die, how many of my friends will turn up for my funeral? When I die, how many of those who turn up will truly shed a tear or feel sadness for me? Will people even notice that i am gone?

What have I done wrong? Or is there something wrong with me? I feel that I'm usually (but not always) the one who initiates. I would ask others out for activities but when they want to do the same activity, why am I not the one they look for? Is meeting up a few times a year for birthdays/festive seasons enough? I have friends who bother to read this blog of mine and check on me when I have written about a problem. I am thankful for it, truly. However, why is it just at that level? Why is it that when I am extremely happy or sad, I do not have someone whom I would like to call just to share, not worrying that he/she is busy or that he/she is not interested? Why is it that when they do experience such emotions, my friends don't call me or even sms me? Am I too old-fashioned? People just live the life of modern technology now and calls are the things of the old? Or is it just me?

Have I not bothered to take tt 1st step? I think I have. Have I gone the extra mile to get to know them better? I think I have tried. Am I always talking about myself and not listen to them? I think I try to talk less and listen and understand, maybe I don't at times. Is there a lack of common interest tt we need to bind us together? I thought this is the answer but common interests like basketball, dragon boat etc. have not served as the bindding element for some of my other friends. The friendship is somewhat gone when the interest in the "common interest" is gone.

After the conversation yesterday, these are the only possible answers I have/had:

- Common interest (which I was shown that it didn't last)

- I just haven't found my kind of friend (which i do not believe as I have lived for 20 yrs, 1/3 of my life, I have met 1/3 of the ppl in my life and I still can't find even 1???)

- I need a gal-friend. I have no doubt that when I have a galfriend, I will love her more than anything else, I seriously will if I feel that she's the one. But it is unhealthy to concentrate a life around someone, even if he/she is the one person you love dearly.

- I lost the real me because I'm too afraid of being judged. I am but a guy with low self-esteem. Over the yrs, I have attained some of the values & qualities I learnt and want to have. However, the real me consists of more that these values/qualities. I'm just too afraid to show them as I hate to be judged by people. To some extent, after so long, I have lost some part of the real me. I feel.

- People think that I'm a little on the "perfect-kinda-life" side. Why? Because I don't usually talk about my problems, like now? Well.. I can't just toss my imperfections and problems at everyone I meet. I have family issues, identity issues, money issues etc. Why bother?

So is everything about me at face-value? I'm lost.

Regret

What would you do if one of your closer friend's family member just passed away? Would you just say, "Hey, i heard that your XXX is dead. Are you ok?" or would you leave things to be because you don't want to remind him/her of the pain? Well.. We did what we thought was the best for our friend but we were young and looking back at things, we chose the wrong option. Can we remedy the situation?

Too High A Standard?

I have been told by not just 1 but at least 4 people that my expectations of a girlfriend is too high and that I should lower my expectations. I do admit to that but as for lowering expectations. We'll see about it. I do admit that given a second chance, I would definitely go for that girl again, if I'm still single. Even when I know I'm not exactly the kind of guy, her kind of girl would fall for.

Fountain of Wealth

We took a merc cab back from Orchard after midnight. As I was sitting in front, I didn't want to turn around to talk to the 2 of them as I'll get motion sickness that way. The cab uncle was quite friendly and he was telling us that if you happen to be in cab travelling around the Fountain of Wealth and the water shoots up, ask the uncle to drive 4 rounds around the fountain. Then make a small wish (cannot be to much), and it'll be fulfilled. You don't get to hear this kind of things everyday, do you?

Anyway, I was listening to the uncle crap a bit about religion and belief for the whole journey back. I didn't know why I bothered to listen or for the matter, in any way, encouraged him to talk. I did and I only absorb maybe 40% of what he said, of which, I have forgetten 70%. The thing I remember is his goodbye quote, "Nothing is impossible. You only need a ball of string to reach the moon." hmm..

The Origin. 11/27/2005 08:45:00 am

quotes

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." - Dr. Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy

'How happy is the little Stone
That rambles in the Road alone,
And doesn't care about Careers
And Exigencies never fears-
Whose Coat of elemental Brown
A passing Universe put on,
And independent as the Sun
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute Decree
In casual simplicity-' - How happy is the little Stone by Emily Dickinson

'This is your last chance.
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.' - Morpheus, The Matrix

'The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it if you do.' - Unknown

'There are plenty of people with good intentions who take the wrong actions in the end' - Gundam Seed Destiny

'Life is no straight and easy corridor along
which we must seek our way,
lost and confused, now and again
checked in a blind alley.

But always, if we have faith,
a door will open for us,
not perhaps one that we ourselves
would ever have thought of,
but one that will ultimately
prove good for us.' - A.J.Cronin

"Every life has one true-love snapshot
Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know
No life is a waste.
The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone"

"A man can endure alot if he still has hope." - Clyde T. Ellis

" 'Appreciate It.' 2 simple words. A life span of gratitude." - Cinderella Man

"A boxer enters the ring alone. If knocked down, he alone could pick himself up and keep the fight going." - Cinderella Man

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Jame J. Braddock: I know this isn't what you wanted. But I can't win if you're not behind me.
Mae: I'm always behind you."

"People die in fairy tales all the time." - Max Baer, Cinderella Man

"Maybe sometimes people need to see someone do it so they can do it." - Father Rorick, Cinderella Man

"You always got ot figure you're not the best man in the world, there might be somebody better. That's the way it was. That's the way boxing is. The champion don't always stand up. There's always somebody coming up to take him. That's a part of life." - Jame J. Braddock

"If either man falls through weakness or otherwise, he must get up unassisted" - The Queensbury Rules, No. 4

"All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory" - Motto of the King's Guard in Ancient Greece

"With each passing day in a good marriage, the love for your spouse grow stronger than the day before" - Cinderella Man

"I take responsibility" - President George W. Bush

"Sow a Thought, and you reap an Act;
Sow an Act, and you reap a Habit;
Sow a Habit, and you sow a Character;
Sow a Character, and you reap a Destiny." - Samuel Smiles

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt - Shakespeare in Measure of Measure

"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn, LOTR

"To an outstretched hand we shall respond with an olive branch, but we shall fight fire with the harshest fire ever." - Israeli PM Ariel Sharon

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human. " - The Matrix

"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath." - Balian of Ibelin, Kingdom of Heaven

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices." - Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends." - Gandalf, LOTR

"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." - Lilo & Stitch

"Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." - Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart

"Every man dies, not every man really lives." - William Wallace, Braveheart

credits.
rebelHEART host blogskins Miss M brushes