Year 2005
I realised that I am having great difficulties writing this entry... According to Choo Hui (I am talking to her as I blog), "your pea brains can only take this much." *&^@#%!)*^
Anyway, I shall not go into the exact details or breakdown, otherwise my pea brains would explode. lol.
Basically, these are the summary pts (some craps) of the year:
1. Playing so much that I need constant breaks from the games
2. Learnt more about values, tidiness etc. from my superior
3. Trying to go the extra mile to touch know my frenz better and also hopefully touch some hearts (Dun think I succeeded in any case)
4. Become slightly more confident than before or maybe simply being able to appear more confident
5. Better able to articulate my thoughts (I hope)
6. Failed to get attached (wah lau.. Stupid yvonne laughed at me for being single... so evil)
7. Failed to become the ideal I set for myself
8. Passed my driving
New Year Resolution:
1. To at least touch a person's heart this year. From here on, at least 1 per yr. (easier said than done)
2. To become closer to my ideal
3. get attached? (haha...)
4. get into study mode
Finally found this letter after so many years. The last time I found this letter, I didn't have a blog and I left it among a stack of papers. Only to find it today. This was letter by my secondary school literature teacher, Jason Lim Choon Kiat. I am typing it here in case I lose the letter in future. This is the content (it is long):
"Today marks a new beginning in the story of your life. It seems like only yesterday that you were a silent fearful kid I first saw in class. today, I see the confident and assured young adults you have become, and it fills me with a tremendous sense of pride.
Regardless of what your results are today, I hope you keep a sense of perspective. I would be lying if I said I didn't hope you would at least repeat or better your prelim results. I really wish that all of you did as well as possible. Not because results are important, but because I know what you are capable of. I wanted you to do well because I wanted Cambridge to vindicate the faith I have in you. But even if you did not do as well as you hoped, it does not change how I feel. I have taught you for 2 years - some even longer - and I like to think that after all this time, I would know more about, know how much ability you have, and how much potential, than a faceless person who only knows you through 5 questions.
Perhaps you are reading this now with a spirit of exultation, having done better than you thought you would - if you did I rejoice with you. Or maybe you are reading this through tears - if this is the case I hope you don't lose heart but instead learn from the experience. In bother instances, I hope you realise that it is after all, just a piece of paper that cannot measure your true worth as a person.
Sometimes it struck me that you did not believe how much ability you had, or how good you can be. At other times, I wondered if I should have been stricter and demanded more out of you - so that you realise your potential. It has been hard for me to convince you of what I do know - that as a class you had the ability to shock people in this subject.
But no matter what your results are today, i want you to know that I'm not disappointed inyou in any way. As your teacher I have to take responsibility for how you do and what you havedone or did not do. given the fact that I missed so many lessons due to my surgery/other duties, i do ask myself if there was more I could have done. Maybe I was too lenient with some of you, making you overconfident for the exam. Or perhaps I chose a text too far removed from your experience that it shook your confidence. but through it all, i hope that you realise that I just wanted to make sure that you had the best possible education and that you had the best chanceto excel. I will be the first to accept responsibility if you did not achieve what you could.
That you chose to do Literature is already a triumph in itself. You dared when others wavered. You persevered despite competing demands on your time. And you've learned (I hope) from the experience. Perhaps you will go on and continue to do Literature. Perhaps you won;t. Itdoesn't matter. "A mind once stretched never truly regains its original proportions." I trust that you have been enriched by the study of the subject, and the experience have made you more aware, more open-minded, made you a more critical and creative thinker and have cultivated in you a more sensitive soul. if it does I would consider your experience of Literature a success - for more than being skills that you can carry with you, these are qualities that make you mor humane, more human.
As you close this chapter of your life, I hope it fills you with many happy memories - even as I take this opportunity to wish you all the best for the future. Maybe in the future our paths will cross again. Maybe. But even if it doesn't it will never alter the fact that somewhere along the sands of time our stories merged, and it has been a privilege to have you write a chapter in the book of my life. You were my Literature class, and you were my children. Now that you are grown and I send you on to the next stage of your journey, I want you to know, that I am so proud of each and every one of you.
Jason
28th Feb 2002"
Ha.. After re-reading and typing this letter, I feel flooded with so many memories of the past. I miss the Literature lessons,
miss Mano's crap during Math lessons,
miss the people back then,
miss all the crap that happened,
miss all the jokes that were told,
miss our innocence,
Heck! I even miss the times whereby I got tongue-tied whenever I was around Wendy.
These are a part of my history and be it good or bad, will forever be a part of me.
This may sound cheesy, I also miss Jason Lim. (Obviously! Why else did I go through the trouble to typing the whole letter out?) I must take leave or sth to go back to SCSS.
Shall talk abt the 5 C's from Straits Times after the 5th one comes out. Now, we have Connectivity, Choice, Cheek & Cause.
Still don't have the inspiration to blog.....
For some reasons, I just feel like laying back, reading or just lay there and listen to the music, and sleep..... I just don't feel like playing dota, I know what I want to blog but I dun have the inspiration to write, don't feel like cleaning the cupboards as pestered by my mom to do so. (I seriously dunno why she wants to pack my room all of a sudden!)
I have been wanting to sleep early for ytd night and also take a nap now BUT she is in my room packing. Sigh................. Off to help.....
*Continue at 2130 hrs.
Part 1 was posted at 1600 hrs. Now, at 2130, I can finally say that my room is 80% tidy(according to my scale)! of course, thanks to my mom for "persuading" me to tidy the cupboards with her actions. Contrary to popuplar belief that my room is tidy, I think my room just happens to be bale to perfectly conceal the mess in the cupboards of mine. Causing the external picture to be a neat and tidy one.
Anyway, I have finally organised my notes all the way from AJC in 2003. haha... See? I took 2 yrs to tidy my notes. And found some old memories like cards, letters (1 memorable & inspirational 1 from sec sch)... Shall take some time to read them after New Year & after I tidy the remaining 20% of my room...
Shall write abt the letter from sec sch in my next post...
Before I start with the topic, I must say this.. The administration office in NUS truly and totally sux. I received their letter yesterday, part of it was informing me to attend a medical check-up prior to entering the uni. The students are given specific days to go based on their choice of course and for Chemical Engineering, we are to go on 14 Apr. if u dun already know, 14 Apr is Good Friday. So I called the office to clarify and was told, "Oh.. Then you can come on 13 Apr." What the hell... What kinda standard and planning is this?
Anyway, i think I shall start with my new year resolution.
First and foremost, to undergo Civilian Conversion Course (lameness of Joel) and to get into study mode before Uni starts in August.
Second, to get up and take steps to become closer to the kinda guy my ideal would like (ref to dunno how many posts ago in Dec)
Third, to be so good that I dun have to write another resolution again next year. LOL
Oh.. Bought the watch (Arktika is named after the 1st ice-breaker class ship to reach North Pole in 1975) today. A BIG hole in my pocket. A mixture of 'xing tong' & satisfaction.
I remember organising a gathering and had only 50% (including myself) of those attending, turning up on time. And mind you, it wasn't a big gathering. It wasn't even a jc-clz-lvl (considering how small a jc clz is compared to sec sch) kind of gathering. Of the 50% who came late, I had ppl calling me at 30 mins before the stipulated time to inform of being late, which is good. on the other hand, I had ppl calling at the stipulated timing and this was the conversation:
A: "Are the rest there yet? I'll be late leh."
Me: "How late? Where are you now?"
A: "I am still at my place."
Obviously, in such a circumstance, you jolly well know that you are going to be late even before the meeting time. It wld be good, as well as a part of your responsibility to inform before the meeting time.
At this pt, I must highlight that i am NOT talking about occasional late-comers (I try my best to be punctual but I am late once in a while), I am talking about hibitual late-comers. Whereby, in the very first place, why the hell is this person or that person late (and not just being late for 5-10 mins) almost everytime we meet up? To make things worse, this has been going on for a few years.
I think for such a case, those nice sayings about "being friends is about accepting one another" can be thrown out of the window. I am NOT talking about qualities of a friend or whatsoever. To me, such a crap doesn't exist. Punctuality doesn't fall under this classification anyway. I am talking about responsibility and whatever personnal qualities that are related to punctuality.
Enough ranting... I went to shop for a watch again today. OMG! I saw this watch from Red Army and I think it is so nice. The brand is some Russian brand called Vostok - Europe. The price is within the higher end of being affordable, at $300 (though it is way above my budget and I'll have to use my 1 mth tuition fee for it). The only problem is that it is automatic mechanical and not quartz. This is a little bit of a problem cuz I'll have to send it for servicing every 5 yrs, and each servicing costs (according to the salesman) not more than $100. According to my mom, "no need one lah".... Anyway, the model name is Arktika. i can't upload the pic...
New Quote: "I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die" - South Park
I am still so very distracted. Went for a gathering with Choo Hui, Brian, Pei Fen, Yvonne & Lionel. We went to Settlers' Cafe (Think Mind Cafe.) at Holland Village and thereafter, to Essential Brew in Holland V too. I kinda like Essential Brew. It is a nice place to chill out at. Shall recommend ppl to go. Coming to this pt, I think most of the shops or eateries or cafe in Holland V are good chill-out places.
Anyway, abt my distraction... I have been considering for quite some time. There r quite a lot at stack and I'm not too sure abt what is going on in my mind. Damn. I am thinking too much. Sux.
Had X'mas dinner with my family this evening. Had a stuffed turkey, black pepper pork (those thick thick piece of pig called sio ba in hokkien), baked potatoe with cheese & bacon bits. It was a nice meal. A warm one too in contrast to the cold hard rain that was pouring outside.
Anyway, went to hunt for my watch again today. D&G watches are rather nice. There's one I call the "barcode" watch which is rather unique and another one tt is rather sleek. I think retangular watch just doesn't look well on my hand cuz my wrist is too thin.
However, I seriously considering to buy a Seiko watch. The model I'm looking at, costs $372 after discount.... hmmmmmmmmmm....
I have been rather distracted lately I guess... So many things on top of the stupid holiday seasons.
Anyway, I am a firm believer that trust is of utmost importance in a relationship, any relationships. Once you lose that trust, there is almost no point in continuing the relationship. It would suck big time even if the relationship continues.
Went for a gathering with Hui Yin, Xin Ru & Weili. We wanted to go to Mind Cafe but we were late by 30 mins and our reserved slot was given off. Well.. I don't really blame the guy despite the fact tt he copied my hp no. wrongly n had a stupid attitude when we were there. This is because I overlooked the pt tt the place may be crowded and didn't inform them tt we'll be late. It was afterall, within my scope of interest.
Anyway, we were at Starbucks & after that, Cafe Cartel. Going to Starbucks at 2100 hrs n drinking a cup of brewed coffee was a terribly wrong idea. I slept at 0130 this morning. We talked abt stuffs. Ha.. I think I have gotten more "gossipy" since JC. Anyway, I also realised that I have somehow developed a set of ideal qualities for my "ideal" gal. Shall not elaborate on it cuz I feel that at the end of the day, I may or may not end up with someone like tt. There is always a great distance between the ideal & reality.
However, one thing that I'm certain abt is that the current me is not the kinda guy I know my "ideal" would fall for. Coming to this, Weili said that the "ideal qualities you look for in a gal" is actually a reflection of the kinda person you wanna be. I think in a sense it is true.
Today is my 2nd time to mind cafe. This time with Sharon, Qin Yi, Qian Hui, Sherman, Jun Hong, Timothy and Gavian (met him for the first time today. shall not gossip abt him until things r confirmed. lol) Anyway, we played the almost the same games as the last AJC gathering: Jenga, Taboo...... Another common senario was taking a photo as forfeit. We ended up taking the photo with the same waitress in the cafe (as Liang Wei the last time). I think she also take photo until sian.. lol...
going again on tue (I think I can sign up as the staff there). See how it goes ba.. I don't think I'll go there again in the short run....
Went out with Ai Tian & Lin Run to celebrate Lin Run's belated B-day ytd. We wanted to go to the Balcony for dinner but we had to wait for at least 40 mins be4 we get a table (according to the waitress) & also the place was not air-conditioned (a major turn-off for me). We ended up at Spageddies (Forgot the name) at Paragon. Haha.. I think the soft-shell crab dish is very nice! especially when you add some cheese atop the crab. After which, we walked all the way to Wheelocke Place cuz SOMEBODY needed to digest the food and we wanted to sit down for coffee. The place was too crowded and we ended up at the Coffee Bean at Scotts.
Anyway, the biggest joke for ytd is this:
ACCORDING to Ai Tian, I look like Chicken Little and ACCORDING to her AGAIN, that is good... I was like duh.Anyway, the photo came abt cuz of my stupid mouth. When we walked past the poster at Isetan, we were joking abt the resemblance and my stupid mouth said, " why don't I sit there and imitate?" Then the photo came about. Classic Example of Jiang Hua Bu Jing Guo Da Nao.
"The body needs more than 'synthetic aminos, vitamins, and minerals' to survive. It needs the fantasy-spac of desire because direct access to the real is akin to madness. To escape the short circuit of madness that would result from looking into the dark heart of the real, the body requires and demands its masturbatory fantasies.."
- This sounds horny but we should all constantly masturbate???? lol
"Lacan view that the human psyche is in fact caught in a play between desire and an 'impossible real' that ensures our desires are never fulfilled completely and that thus allows them to persist."
"I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you, a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible." - Neo, Matrix
Oh Man.. Saw the worst clip. It was plain traumatising. I shall not even name the person in the video. It is about that-attention-seeker-who-hangs-around-C.K.Tangs-to-pluck-ppls'-eyebrow, he was lip-synching to the Chicken Little Song (whatever the title is...).
DO NOT WATCH IT, no matter how funny it seemed initially cuz the images will haunt you thereafter, everytime uhear tt song being played.
Ok. Enough crap...
It is quite saddening that your neighbour can just die and his/her wake being held at the void deck, yet you do not know about his/her death until one day before the wake ends.
"Suppose there were an experience machine that would give you any experience you desired. Superduper neuropsychologists could stimulate your brain so that you would think and feel you were writing a great novel, or making a friend, or reading an interesting book. All the time you would be floating in a tank, with electrodes attached to your brain. Should you plug into this machine for life, preprogramming your life experiences? [...] Of course, while in the tank you won't know that you're there; you'll think that it's all actually happening [...] Would you plug in?."
Read about this from "Taking the Red Pill". The explanation in the book is - Suppose you could deliberately and knowingly choose, [...] to be hooked up to a machine that would give you the experiences of having friends, fame, wealth, good looks, success and whatever else makes you happy. After being hooked up, you'll forget about your past life, and you won't be unhook from the machine later. Would you choose to be hooked up to the Experience Machine?
Ponder...... What do you think???
Nozick's claim is that you wouldn't, if you thought about it seriously. The reason being, you don't really want the experience of having friends or being loved. You want to really have friends and be loved.
*Edit: I realised that I missed out on my pt of view. Well.. At this pt in time, I am still unable to fully agree with the claim. Or rather, my choice is not an absolute NO. There is still some desire to hook onto the machine if given the choice. I guess I find my life lacking in some areas... I think this is true for most of us, not just me. I hope that there come a day whereby we all can give a flat NO to the question.
Attended the class gathering organised by Wendy & Liang Wei. Well.. The turn-up was kinda low, only: Weili, Xin Ru, Rex, Hiang Kiat, Wei Chee, Zhong Wei, Li Quan (Only came for 30 mins), Chun Xin (Finally, she turned up for a class gathering) and myself attended. Despite the numbers, the quality of the gathering was great! the one word to describe us yesterday was: Noisy.
First, we were hanging out at MOS Burger while waiting to go to Mind Cafe at 2230 hrs. We were at MOS from about 2100 hrs to 2215 hrs. By the time we stood up to leave, a few other tables were looking at us as we left.
Then at Mind Cafe, most of the people kept looking at our table while we were playing. Lol. The staff even gave us some "high-order-thinking" game to play. I think that this is their way of trying to quieten us. lol. Anyway, i'll definitely recommend Mind Cafe for a gathering in future.
Other than the place itself, the service is kinda good too. At least, when we exceeded the time limit by 30 mins, they did not make us pay more.
New term today: "Sexual Selection". It is part of evolutionary change driven by competition to mate with the opposite sex, rather than competition to survive, obtain food, etc. The peacock's tail, helpful in obtaining a mate but an obstacle to survival, is a classic example of sexual selection.
Read about this in a book on the Matrix psychology. Up till where I am reading now, they are talking abt us (human) being ruled by our genes to keep on producing our line of genes. (sth along that line). Thus we feel feelings and needs like love, humour, religion etc. hmmmmm
Well.. Despite many friends' reactions like "why are you going?", I went to take part in a Youth Volunteering Camp. It is basically a training camp to learn to help n in this case, help to coach disabilty sports. I guess I was looking for sth which I dunno. Probably a desire to help or maybe a passion or I just wanna feel tt I can make a difference? I dunno. I feel that I was closer to this "sth" yet I'm also as far away as I can be from it. I dunno.
Anyway, the interesting part about the camp was that we played in sports for the disability. Some of them were relly fun.
The major change to my hse when I was gone: My new matress has arrived! Yes! I'm gonna love my bed even more than ever! Total obsession!
OMFG! I woke up this morning to find not just 1, not just 2 but 3 bloody mosquitoe bites on my body. And the thing that really got me pissed off is one of the bites is on the left of my ass.. ^%&*^%* I got so pissed in the morning tt I shut every windows n door in my room and sprayed insecticide be4 I went out for work. U can't imagine how sucky it is to wake up and the first word u say is some vulgarity.
Anyway, got tagged to do this...
Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.
I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses
.I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. (I curse too much)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times. (Paranoid all the time)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look. (But there's always room for improvement ;D)
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
Slept with a Suitemate.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
(except during exam period)I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
(HAHA)Democrat.Conservative Republican.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
Im proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I love vaginas. (HAHA PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY)
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
one thing true: I once went “wah” when I saw a lady with a pair of ENORMOUS boobs walking along Orchard rd. It was so embarrassing among my female friends who were there but oh well.. I wasn’t the only guy with tt reaction.. lol… However, cup size is not a quality i look for in my gf but SHE must have a "cup" to begin with lah.
Arrows ---> Weili
Cedric
Xin Ru
Can I say Choo Hui again?
Qin Yi
Read the newspaper and came across this article about a 19 yrs old guy who had sex 8 times (or was it 9) with his "girlfriend" of 15 yrs old. The issue of underage sex aside, that guy "helped" the silly gal to earn money for her hp bill by asking guys to have sex with her. WTH. A pimp to be.
Slap the guy for preying on young gals and slap tt gal for being so stupid.
Btw, here are wordings of 4 signboards. 1 word or 1 part of a word in each of them can be used to form a sentence. Caught it in a Nokia ad. Think about it:
1. Church of Good Will
2. You Are Here
3. Rose & Mary
4. Men