Monday, February 20, 2006
Following a ShadowThe reason why I hate running alone on a track or a path to where I know it leads is the very reason why I hate swimming alone in a pool, it is also the reason why I prefer to work on the trackmill, keeping with the pace. Because you can stop, because there is nothing to be amused by, because you can think....
Then I wonder.. Why am I doing all these? Am I but following the shadow of a person I once knew and know? Then why am I following it? Because of a childish, a very childish and simple reason. I never did like to lose.. I feel that I lost and now I am working to build on that which caused me to lose. That is why I am doing all these. If there were a loss, the loss shall not be mine. How childish is this? I threw out a bitter laugh and think, "Well.. It is childish but I am covering more grounds than I would have, without that shadow that is forever in front of me."
There is no bitterness, just competition, whereby I am the only one involved. Soon, it is no longer about the person. Maybe it has never been about the person at all. Only me and the shadow. Maybe there wasn't any winners or losers. Maybe the person wasn't at all concerned. It is all about me, in my small and self-centred world, afterall...
Again, I wonder.. All this while, knowing all these, do I keep up with this little self-competition or do I fall back and remain as I was? I choose the competition, for the progress I make and maybe for the simple and childish reason.... the loss shall not be mine.... Ha.. such self-centredness.. Such stupidity..... A cycle of stupidity...
On a separate note (ha.. becoming 1 of my commonly used phrases),
1. Heard this from a friend over the weekend, "Some things are not as unimportant as you say them to be."
2. Gossips are bad bad. Don't gossip! If you must, gossip to someone you can trust your life on and who won't bs u even when both of u are not on talking terms.
3. Underworld evolution is coming!! omg!! Kate Beckinsale!!! She's so hot!! haha..
The Origin. 2/20/2006 07:34:00 pm