originality; cold-fire

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Kind Of Look We Wish To Live Under

“We all need someone to look at us. We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under.

The first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. This is the case with the German singer, the American actress, and even the tall, stooped editor with the big chin…..

The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked by many eyes. They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. They are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. This happens to nearly all of them sooner of later. People in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with eyes they need….

Then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eye of the people they love. Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. One day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark…

And finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. They are the dreamers. Franz, for example. He traveled to the borders of Cambodia only for Sabina. As the bus bumped along the Thai road, he could feel her eyes fixed on him in a long stare..”

This excerpt is from "The Unbearble Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. My initial thought (and I still agree now, in a sense) is that I belong to category 4. I am living under the imaginary eyes of somebody from the past. Somebody whom i doubt would ever look at me again. Yet, it is under this pair of eyes that I am moving on in the direction I set. Hmm.. Or is the direction being set by the eyes, not me? Am I moving in this direction in hope that the pair of eyes would look at me again? How pathetic is this? Ha.. A pathetic dreamer, I am. But there is progress and there is development, so I suppose it isn't very bad to be under that pair of eyes. (And I don't think that I am becoming an asshole or whatever, so it should be good.)

However, after further thoughts, I think that this categorisation is too stagnant and too absolute in a sense. Too stagnant: I believe that people change over time. I do not believe that a person would be stuck to one kind of categorisation (assuming only these 4) all his or her life. At a certain point in time, one may be in a particular category but due to changes like (in the excerpt) losing their public or losing the people they love, one may change to another category. In addition, categorisation can be based on situation and not on the desire of the person. For example, a star may be in category 1 but what he/she actually longs for is to be in category 3.

Too absolute: Being in one category does not mean that the person does not mind the looks of the groups in other categories. the person is still affected by the other groups of people but he/she is more affected by the group in his/her category as compared to the rest.

For me, I am currently in category 4. What I long for is to be in category 3 - to live under the eyes of the one I love. To me, it matters but it doesn't really matter what the public thinks about me (who cares?), nor does it really matter what the people I know think about me but it really really matters what that one person think about me. And at this point in time, (since there is no one person) it really matters how that "pair of eyes" would see me if it does look in my direction, at me. I feel that being in such a circumstance (wanting to be in category 3) is completely natural. Probably because of my desire to be there, I am very afraid of losing the eyes of that person (whoever it might be) I love in future. Sometimes, I am too afraid to lose to get what I want.

oh.. But what does it matter anyway...

--------------------
On a separate note, I find that as your ORD date draws nearer, you tend to be less capable of enduring the bad attitudes of personnel in your camp. Over these few months, I have encountered 2 cases of near-quarrels/conflict with personnels in my camp. Better to calm my sense in view of the coming 16 Jun 06.......

The Origin. 3/16/2006 08:24:00 pm

quotes

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." - Dr. Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy

'How happy is the little Stone
That rambles in the Road alone,
And doesn't care about Careers
And Exigencies never fears-
Whose Coat of elemental Brown
A passing Universe put on,
And independent as the Sun
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute Decree
In casual simplicity-' - How happy is the little Stone by Emily Dickinson

'This is your last chance.
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.' - Morpheus, The Matrix

'The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it if you do.' - Unknown

'There are plenty of people with good intentions who take the wrong actions in the end' - Gundam Seed Destiny

'Life is no straight and easy corridor along
which we must seek our way,
lost and confused, now and again
checked in a blind alley.

But always, if we have faith,
a door will open for us,
not perhaps one that we ourselves
would ever have thought of,
but one that will ultimately
prove good for us.' - A.J.Cronin

"Every life has one true-love snapshot
Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know
No life is a waste.
The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone"

"A man can endure alot if he still has hope." - Clyde T. Ellis

" 'Appreciate It.' 2 simple words. A life span of gratitude." - Cinderella Man

"A boxer enters the ring alone. If knocked down, he alone could pick himself up and keep the fight going." - Cinderella Man

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Jame J. Braddock: I know this isn't what you wanted. But I can't win if you're not behind me.
Mae: I'm always behind you."

"People die in fairy tales all the time." - Max Baer, Cinderella Man

"Maybe sometimes people need to see someone do it so they can do it." - Father Rorick, Cinderella Man

"You always got ot figure you're not the best man in the world, there might be somebody better. That's the way it was. That's the way boxing is. The champion don't always stand up. There's always somebody coming up to take him. That's a part of life." - Jame J. Braddock

"If either man falls through weakness or otherwise, he must get up unassisted" - The Queensbury Rules, No. 4

"All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory" - Motto of the King's Guard in Ancient Greece

"With each passing day in a good marriage, the love for your spouse grow stronger than the day before" - Cinderella Man

"I take responsibility" - President George W. Bush

"Sow a Thought, and you reap an Act;
Sow an Act, and you reap a Habit;
Sow a Habit, and you sow a Character;
Sow a Character, and you reap a Destiny." - Samuel Smiles

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt - Shakespeare in Measure of Measure

"What does your heart tell you?" - Aragorn, LOTR

"To an outstretched hand we shall respond with an olive branch, but we shall fight fire with the harshest fire ever." - Israeli PM Ariel Sharon

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human. " - The Matrix

"Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth, always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath." - Balian of Ibelin, Kingdom of Heaven

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices." - Dumbledore, Harry Potter

"Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends." - Gandalf, LOTR

"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." - Lilo & Stitch

"Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." - Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart

"Every man dies, not every man really lives." - William Wallace, Braveheart

credits.
rebelHEART host blogskins Miss M brushes