Thursday, April 13, 2006
Myopic, Death, KidsA small little incident occured yesterday. Zhong Xing (my understudy) was sick with fever but he had not visited the doctor as he had to clear some stuffs in the morning. This led to him being unable to report to the camp MO in the afternoon as it was too late. He sat in the office to continue his work until the end of the day and he went to see the doctor after work. He got an mc eventually for throat infection.
Well.. Although he did not meet any mishaps, a simple comment by my boss later highlighted to me that I failed to reflect on my past experiences. The comment was, "You should have tell me and let him go off." During my 1 over year in MINDEF, there were times when I was so sick but I did not get an mc from the MO (the basic fact is that he sucks). It felt like shit. I should have understood the feeling and stood up to ask if Zhong Xing could return earlier. I was caught up in the "I went through it, so can you" kind of thinking. It is a myopic view which I condemn and yet I commit.
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Ha.. I am talking about the topic of death again. I seem to be captivated by it, I must say. When somebody ask me what my religion is, I reply that I am a free-thinker, slightly leaning to the buddhism and taoism side. The reason for the leaning is only because I have been nurtured by parents who believe in some ofthe teachings of buddhism and taoism. As such, I do pray at temples on occassions to gain "protection" as I have been doing so since a young age. However, I am still a free thinker.
I do not believe in a religion because I feel their hypocrisies. The purpose of their existence is to give people the reason to live and in the process, give order to the world. However, they have been used as reasons to fight wars and conquer. A simple question that arises is,"Will your god want to bring bloodstain to the world?" Then I wonder why is it that people can "be close to god" or "believe in retribution" or believe in whatever sutras, and yet they kill, rob or rape?
To make a stand, I still believe that there is a god. However, no singular religion gives an accurate interpretation of the god. Different people see different things and hold different things to be true. Differences in religions arises and people use them to satify their selfish wants. I understand that this means that the god is not there to intervene but I do not wish to argue my stand. I still believe in the existence of a higher being.
This ultimately leads to death at the end of my road. Do I fear it? No. I just feel sad for those who have not die when I do because they are going to miss me terribly (wahahaha.. I'm becoming more and more BHB. Jking anyway). What then gives order to my world? To live with a clear conscience and without regret until the end. So even when the end arrives, I have nothing to look forward to or regret anything I have done. I am just a simple me with a simple-no-fuss way of thinking.
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I had a conversation with a bunch of friends about girls, families and stuffs. I was told that I have commitment phobia because I was put off when a girl told me that she thinks having children completes a family. I suppose so. Not because I think that babies are troublesome but because I feel that having a child means loads of pressure on each and every one of your actions and decisions. Your actions will be picked up by your child. Ultimately, how your child becomes will depends largely on you. You must then strive to teach your child all that you feel are good and hope that he/she learns and live to become a good man/woman like yourself or even better.
The Origin. 4/13/2006 06:50:00 pm
