Sunday, October 22, 2006
A Trip Down Memory LaneI wanted to blog this a long time ago but it kept escaping my mind. A group of us were having a chat over steamboat some time ago. Yada Yada Yada.. I shared a small fragment of my past. A fragment that had always been somewhere in my memory but I dis-regard due to the relative unimportance I suppose. I don't even remember my age when that happened but it was definitely during my primary school yrs.....
I wasn't a bright student. In fact, I am not bright even now if you were to ask me. I am the kid of a tuition teacher who helped a number of students to fare well and I also have sis who did much much better than I did (but I still love her). However, I did not do well at all. Thus the immense amount of pressure for me to study hard and do well then.
There was once when everyone was not around at home, I opened the window of our 11th storey flat and was contemplating to jump. I don't remember how long I stood there but I did not jump in the end (obviously). At that point, I felt like a coward. I did not even dare to take my own life. My view from tt pt on was that I admire ppl who took their own lives because they had the guts to take the crucial step when looking down from 11-storey, the tot of death is just to terrifying.
I eventually did better for my studies without the having to be exposed to the external pressure and things did turn slightly better. Looking back, I think I was lucky that I lacked the guts to jump. I am not exactly enjoying life right now but at least I'm living. I still hold true tt ppl who commit suicide have got guts but I also feel that they are in some sense stupid as things may jolly well turn better so long as they give it some more time. (btw, the incident abt the guy who committed suicide cuz his p**** was too small was a case of pure stupidity la) . I also feel that the view about 'ppl commit suicide because they lack the courage to live' is but a piece of propaganda.
I suppose this probably explains my inner disgust when ppl say tt I'm clever or watsoever. I ain't..
The Origin. 10/22/2006 02:19:00 pm