Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I guess it is always calm before the storm. or whatever that phrase actually is. There were signs of a bad week ahead since this morning and it has just started. Actually, I kind of knew that it would be coming. I guess within this family, it is just a cycle kind of thing. I tried to delay it by holding back a little. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I did it. Each time it happened, I was a little scared and each time it cooled off, I grew a little bit more mature? I dunno. It is more of a whatever happens, life still goes on kind of thing. I am not scared about the issue. Afterall, having been through so many cycles of it, I guess I just grew to be attuned to it. Or maybe the very minimal amount of independence I have is enough to see me through it. I don't know. Or maybe I am just a self-centred bastard who can't really be involved in it. Or maybe I am just in a fix cuz I just can't decide what to do right. Both ways are against what I have been taught. A simple self-rescuing mechanism is simply to sit back and let nature take its course. Which is a pretty screwed up approach by itself. To some extent, having been through so many cycles, I wonder if I would be some what affected by this and that in future, the same bloody thing will happen to my family. Or will the time come when I face such a situation and decide that it is ok? It is scary when I think about it. I mean haven't we all once believed in something only to have the belief thrown out of the window when the time of judgment comes? There is just this confidence in myself that it would not happen but then there is this sync with reality that leaves me questioning. And statistics around are not exactly helpful.
The Origin. 10/16/2007 09:33:00 pm