Sunday, May 10, 2009
It is 0945 now. I am sitting in a park in Compiegne, enjoying the sun and the artificial nature around me. I think it is pretty clear why this piece of land I am on is an enclosure of nature that has been destroyed and after which artificially created. Even by calling it nature, I am over-stating its worth. In any case, this park is probably one of the prettiest in Compiegne. It is the park behind the Palace that Napoleon III stayed in. It is also the cycling/hiking gateway to the forest of Compiegne, which has many beautiful sights like Chateau de Pierrefonds and more. As I was walking here, I saw a group of old hikers (who probably joined some France hiking tour group) preparing to begin their hike. I also came across a group of old folks leaving the park. It was pretty funny in the sense that I said “bonjour” to the first few of them and one of them said “good morning” in reply. I later said “good morning” to the last one and he said “bonjour”.
Anyway, time to start on the main topic. In my moments of desperation when I was younger, I had laid in bed and prayed to god (any god) for help. Well.. Those moments of desperation were pretty mediocre or should I say insignificant. For example, like the little prayers of getting well-enough results. In any case, I knew that those were moments of desperation that I prayed. I guess I never really did believe in any god so to speak. To some extent, I think I never can but that is probably too early to tell.
About 3 Saturdays ago, I entered a church. Well. I have entered many churches while touring but in this church, I tried speaking to god. I was in Beauvais for my flight to Madrid and I was there way way earlier as the bus service was only available in the morning. Because I had no where else to go and because I was a little at a lost on that day, I entered the Cathedral and tried speaking to god or at least that was how I thought one can speak to god. I asked for directions in life, I talked about my disbelief in religions and I talked about how I think that there may be a god but I can only believe when I see one. I did not find an answer for my question that day, which is expected. How can you get anything without giving something in return? I couldn’t give my faith. Then again, I probably have some faith to begin with, in order to have tried to speak to god. Haha.. I think a devote believer would probably laugh at this failed attempt to converse with god or maybe he/she may think that this guy here has not even done it, it was just what he thought he did.
On another note, I went into another church today to see what people do on a Sunday morning communion. A Mexican classmate of mine shared that one can best understand a culture by visiting their church and their market place. Of course, he meant when people are there. I won’t say that I understand exactly what he meant but I guess it was because the people take up different positions in these 2 places. They give their faith and their everything in churches while in market places, they work to safeguard themselves be it to earn a living or to get the cheapest deals or best one for their family. That is one aspect I think. Of course, in the churches, in front of god, they could be nice and everything but in market places they could be something else.
Lastly, maybe it is due to the fact that the theme of the manga that I was recently into was pretty bleak and maybe it is because of the stuff happening, I came to this state of mind that if whatever is going to occur is of a magnitude that you cannot deal with, the only thing to do now is to enjoy the moment for now and worry only when the something comes along. It is a very helpless thought, I know. However, it is such a common thought that saying it out like that made it sound stupid. An easy example is that I have checked the weather forecast for today and it is going to rain today. However, when I woke up the sky was beautiful and the sun was great. The conditions are still so now. In any case, in view of the bad weather later, I could choose to stay in to avoid getting caught in the rain if it came down. Alternatively, I could take the chance that the good weather now will last until I am sick of it and go home or that I will enjoy it until the rain come and I will find a way to make it back somehow. (haha.. I can’t believe I tried to say something even vaguely positive) In any case, lucky for me, I am now sick of the fine weather and am heading back home. (of course, if you think on the flip side, if it rained now, you would probably say that I am stupid for going out when I knew that it will rain)
The Origin. 5/10/2009 05:27:00 pm
