Tuesday, January 19, 2010
It is one of those moments again.... It walked into the room, expecting and drawing every bit of attention to it... I guess over time, one just learns to block it out, deny it of the attention. Something which I think I have done with considerable success. Well.. Today, I just feel like giving it the attention that it so seeks. I'm not down. I am just pondering.
I have always thought that I do not mind living the life of a Singaporean. The life that our system, our none-too-mature culture, has dictated for us. Somehow that changed somewhere along the line. To pinpoint this to a particular cause is overestimating the effect of that singular event. It is the result of a number of separate events, happening over a great length of time, and yet coming together at the one point to give meaning or interpretation to the world around. Or as I have learnt from Human Relations, a change in schema, one about life in future.
"Away" is the word that holds meaning at all right now. It is the result of many things, thoughts, experiences, interactions and more. I wouldn't call it an end-result becaause of the plain fact that I am only at about a quarter of my whole lifespan. The thing is that today, I am somewhat tired of the repetitions over and over again. With the understanding that everybody else face the same repetitions of interactions, events and such in life. What true meaning do you or anybody hold to anybody else? With the understanding that, nothing lasts.
I guess I do sound a little jaded with that last statement but I am not complaining so. If you are looking for the guilty, you only have to look into the mirror. C'est la vie.
The opposite of being away is to be here. Yet, here is not the place that I want to be. Here is no longer the place that gives me any meaning or anchorage at all. I guess life is a journey to seek answers to questions. And to everybody, there is at least that one question that is of upmost importance. The answer to which, gives life itself meaning or purpose. I think I know the type of answer I am looking for without having a clear idea of what the question actually is.
The Origin. 1/19/2010 10:53:00 am